As you know, I've been working on a lot of stuff lately, and you'll be seeing those changes in seemingly random increments. Posts are now able to be categorized under as many boards as you want, and that required me to go through EVERY post and manually set them. That means I had to go back in time, to the very first posts of Trash Epics. In doing so, I saw all that potential we had, and all those users who were once very active, only to see our userbase dissipate over petty squabbles.

I'm not going to lie about my feelings. No one here will ever understand how hard this has been on me. I've put so much of my life into this site, only to see 90% of its userbase turn their backs on it in favor of social media conglomerates, or even internet abstinence.

I went into this with the best of intentions, trying to provide an ideal place for horror boarders and trash fanatics even before the fall of imdb, sacrificing some of the best years of my life trying to make this place something that people could be happy to be a part of. I look back on the people who used to post here, and I miss them. They were all so enthusiastic to be a part of this at one point, but now where are they?

I've tried to reach out to a few of them, only to get no response. I miss the likes of shaza123, slasherfan85, moffat, RedHawk10, skeelo, sethyeah, FarmerVincent, deadandburied81, iceflamez, BarkingBaphomet, psychotronicbeatnik, Shadow-345, and countless others. And dare I say, I even miss Tromafreak.

I think about these things more than I care to admit. I feel hurt about it more than anything. I thought of these people as friends. I thought we had something special going here, taking a stand against the moral bankruptcies of so many other mass social media platforms that only care about fans and making money, only to find these people turn their backs on everything I tried to accomplish here, without any word as to why they're doing it.

I know a lot of it stemmed from politics. I was pro-Trump in the election era, but I never thought I'd lose so many friends because of it. Sure, people will tell you that they're not real friends if they abandon you over opinions like this, but it doesn't make it any less devastating. I've lost these so-called "friends" because I thought I had common sense, but in retrospect, I know I should have kept quiet about certain things, whether I believed them or not.

People you've been close to for years can be so willing to throw you away because you believe in something that they don't, and I guess it hits me so hard because I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't throw away my friends because they don't share the same political or religious beliefs as me. I'm 30 years old, and I feel so stupid sometimes for believing that people can legitimately care about things that are different than they are.

Trash Epics was never about making money. It's a passion project and outlet for movies first and foremost. Why so many people had to take offense to that is beyond me, but a majority of them left without a word. I'll never know why our most confided users left us, because they do so abruptly, as if we ought to know better.

Again, this is why I feel stupid, because I don't know why. Life is hard enough trying to make ends meet. I know I play the poor white trash card a lot, because I'm generally uneducated and spend far too much of my time making next to nothing, yet somehow, I seem to offend people enough that they want nothing to do with me. It's hard to wrap my head around, and that's why it eats away at my soul so much. I suppose everyone has their issues, and I'm not seeing the big picture, but so much of my life is overwhelmed with regret, because I know that somewhere down the line, I know I fucked it all up. For the life of me, I'm just too dumb to know how.


I've had about a hundred ounces of beer tonight and it isn't helping. I had a dream last night that took me back to my teen years when I had ambitions and enthusiasm, ready to make my imprint of sleaze and self-confidence in the world, but I lose more and more of that every day. I don't have the passion for anything, because most of my life is caught in the grind of working one job one day, and going to sleep early so I can make it to the next job on the day after. It gets to me, and while I try to utilize the rest of my time in working on site updates, I feel like it doesn't matter what I do. I never seem to get anything done. Markus must think I'm a real tool for failing so hard on these challenges, and he wouldn't be wrong. I drain all my energies for a cause that less and less people seem to believe in, and it's discouraging, but it's all I have, and I can't quit. The moment I give up on this site is the moment I die.

I thank God for those here who haven't given up on it yet. No matter how many bugs and server errors they've seen over the years. I just wish others could have had more faith in this place, and faith in me. As much as I want to hate some of them for leaving, I'm really only mad at myself for fucking it all up, and I wish things could be different.


In a perfect world, Trash Epics would have been the ideal horror board replacement. Instead, I see the likes of that godawful IMDB2, moviechat, filmboards, and even facebook getting it right where I couldn't. Sometimes, you have to bite the bullet and cut your losses. The days of the horror board are dead, people are sheep, and we can only ever work toward something new. These days, I guess I'm working only to keep myself distracted from my own thoughts, but they always bleed through, especially after a drink or six. Maybe I'm just not drinking enough, because I can't seem to drown these sorrows out. I wish I could reinvigorate audiences with something new and unique, but I haven't thought of it yet, and I'm not sure I ever will.