Jul '18
Uh...what? I'm pretty sure Bill Zebub made this movie for the sole purpose of seeing how many "actresses" would let him fondle their boobs.
I've seen of few this guy's movies before, and I've liked none of them. Even though I was sure Dickshark would be bad, curiosity got the best of me. A movie that's about a dick that turns into a shark, and it's 3 HOURS LONG? How much material could they have possibly had to fill up 3 whole hours. The answer: None. They could have cut out 2 and a half hours, and it still would have felt long.
Bill Zebub plays a metalhead scientist who invented some sort of cream, the purpose of which is not made clear. But he packaged it as a penis enlargement cream, thinking any man would be too ashamed to try it. Of course, a man does, and it turns his dick to clay. He doesn't seem concerned at all by this, and he sculpts his dick into the shape of a shark. After his dickshark bites his finger off, his girlfriend shoots it off and it swims down the toilet. That is the extent of the plot. The rest of the movie just goes back and forth between the dickshark attacking a naked woman in slow motion while an entire metal song plays, and Bill Zebub fondling a woman's breasts while he spouts out pseudo-scientific psycho babble. Erin Brown is the closest thing to a legit actress in the whole thing, the rest I assume are either strippers or porn stars. On the plus side, it contains a ton of full frontal female nudity. Some of the actresses are attractive, some not so much. And I guess some of Zebub's dialog is mildly humorous, but not nearly enough to be worth 3 whole fucking hours.
I've seen of few this guy's movies before, and I've liked none of them. Even though I was sure Dickshark would be bad, curiosity got the best of me. A movie that's about a dick that turns into a shark, and it's 3 HOURS LONG? How much material could they have possibly had to fill up 3 whole hours. The answer: None. They could have cut out 2 and a half hours, and it still would have felt long.
Bill Zebub plays a metalhead scientist who invented some sort of cream, the purpose of which is not made clear. But he packaged it as a penis enlargement cream, thinking any man would be too ashamed to try it. Of course, a man does, and it turns his dick to clay. He doesn't seem concerned at all by this, and he sculpts his dick into the shape of a shark. After his dickshark bites his finger off, his girlfriend shoots it off and it swims down the toilet. That is the extent of the plot. The rest of the movie just goes back and forth between the dickshark attacking a naked woman in slow motion while an entire metal song plays, and Bill Zebub fondling a woman's breasts while he spouts out pseudo-scientific psycho babble. Erin Brown is the closest thing to a legit actress in the whole thing, the rest I assume are either strippers or porn stars. On the plus side, it contains a ton of full frontal female nudity. Some of the actresses are attractive, some not so much. And I guess some of Zebub's dialog is mildly humorous, but not nearly enough to be worth 3 whole fucking hours.
I remember watching the new Jurassic World movie, which was 2 hours of a lot of stupid action, and even that was hard to sit through. Maybe he had a long runtime in mind as a kind of inside joke, but it still makes it less accessible to even the sort of audience that would like this kind of movie.
Well... maybe I'll watch it if there are plenty of hot chicks. Never seen a Bill Zebub movie yet. Perhaps there are better places to start? Shorter places?