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Jul '18
Uh...what? I'm pretty sure Bill Zebub made this movie for the sole purpose of seeing how many "actresses" would let him fondle their boobs.

I've seen of few this guy's movies before, and I've liked none of them. Even though I was sure Dickshark would be bad, curiosity got the best of me. A movie that's about a dick that turns into a shark, and it's 3 HOURS LONG? How much material could they have possibly had to fill up 3 whole hours. The answer: None. They could have cut out 2 and a half hours, and it still would have felt long.

Bill Zebub plays a metalhead scientist who invented some sort of cream, the purpose of which is not made clear. But he packaged it as a penis enlargement cream, thinking any man would be too ashamed to try it. Of course, a man does, and it turns his dick to clay. He doesn't seem concerned at all by this, and he sculpts his dick into the shape of a shark. After his dickshark bites his finger off, his girlfriend shoots it off and it swims down the toilet. That is the extent of the plot. The rest of the movie just goes back and forth between the dickshark attacking a naked woman in slow motion while an entire metal song plays, and Bill Zebub fondling a woman's breasts while he spouts out pseudo-scientific psycho babble. Erin Brown is the closest thing to a legit actress in the whole thing, the rest I assume are either strippers or porn stars. On the plus side, it contains a ton of full frontal female nudity. Some of the actresses are attractive, some not so much. And I guess some of Zebub's dialog is mildly humorous, but not nearly enough to be worth 3 whole fucking hours.


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Box_a_Hair says:
#1

Jul '18
I think you sold me... to not watch this movie. 3 hours is pushing it, even for a good movie, but when shit is dragged out to this extreme, it becomes painful. No matter how good the ideas are, that kind of runtime isn't doing anyone any favors.

I remember watching the new Jurassic World movie, which was 2 hours of a lot of stupid action, and even that was hard to sit through. Maybe he had a long runtime in mind as a kind of inside joke, but it still makes it less accessible to even the sort of audience that would like this kind of movie.

Well... maybe I'll watch it if there are plenty of hot chicks. Never seen a Bill Zebub movie yet. Perhaps there are better places to start? Shorter places?


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Tromafreak says:
#2, Reply to #1

Jul '18
Remember when you realized there were so many episodes of Dark Shadows that it was overwhelming but when you got started, you realized that was a good thing cuz Dark Shadows is awesome? Well, it's like that. Dickshark is exactly like Dark Shadows. emoticon


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Box_a_Hair says:
#3, Reply to #2

Jul '18
Thanks for reminding me about that. I want to get back on DS, now that I've got a VPN. Hell, I might try Dickshark, if it ever crosses my path.


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Znep27 says:
#4, Reply to #1

Jul '18
Ironically, the best Bill Zebub movie I have seen is The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made. It's only like an hour and a half. The other three I've seen I found nearly unwatchable: Kill the Scream Queen, The Crucifier, and Rape is a Circle.


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Tromafreak says:
#5

Jul '18
I liked it. Not my favorite of his movies but anyone who does like his movies will most likely like this one. I just think it's funny that a guy who makes movies like THAT has the nerve to make them THAT long. I heard there's an even longer version of this over 3 1/2 hours. A while back, I made the mistake of buying another Zebub movie called Frankenshark, which turned out to be the hour 1/2 version of Dickshark. Gay!



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