Yes it is a paradox, I feel the same way.
I also feel sad that in NZ they caved into the pressure and stopped the child kill a cat competition
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-65320162
I assume the annual easter mass rabbit slaughter competition went ahead as always.

1. Personally I'ld be all up for eating human, no desire but I certainly have no qualms against it.
2. I want my body feed to animals when I die (whole not chopped up)


edit:
btw I'm sure you're aware of this site
https://www.doesthedogdie.com/

Actually I envisage there will be a day soon where one can buy lab grown human meat.
Didnt some japanese artist cut off his nob and serve it up to some high paying diners

she was spayed but she gave birth?

Ok i understand more now. We had a cat Winnie as well, now dead. They all eventually die, i Will now relate Winnies death (she was named after the NZ politician btw, even though he was a cunt) I'm not sure if I've said this take before, so it may not be new. we had her for a long time (we as in me and my Dutch gf). For the last year of her life she would have fits, epileptic seizures, where she would shake uncontrollably for a minute and then for an hour or 2 afterwards would be dazed, dribbling, we found her one time up in Wellington after one of these, streets away from our house, which was weird cause A. She would not wander, B. She was super afraid of everyone, even us, but after an attack, she just wouldn't care, so we picked her up and took her home.

Eventually we moved back down to Nelson, she had another fit where she became blind, very sad she could hardly walk and would just walk into things, she was old, anyways maybe had her more than 10 years. Eventually we decided to put her out down as the fits were happening multiple times a day, she could not see etc, i don't think was even cognition? of where she was in the end.
So we put Winnie to death, and buried het on rabbit island, which is a big sand island near Nelson, maybe 10km away(look it up on map) we were sad anyways, but consoled ourselves that we had another cat, we had for like a month, called Roscoe. The owner didn't want it, it was a massive range coon cat, fucking 8kg of so. The friendliest cat ever, a bit crazy, but so friendly. He would come and sit on your lap always, even when you didn't want him there. Holy fuck i remember the first night we had him, we were both like, um this cat is crazy do we want to keep him? We did of course.
Literally the best cat, so friendly to everyone, old be like Roscoe fuck off, but no this heavy bastard would come over and sit on me purring, like he was the happiest creature in the world.
Anyways after we bury Winnie, i can remember saying trip the gf at least we have Roscoe as he was young he would be around for some years more.
We ended up burying Roscoe the same day, drive back to rabbit island. Iirc what happened is we got back from burying Winnie and Roscoe was playing up, he has been playing up for a while, you could see he was distressed, he would try to piss but couldn't. So we took him to the vet, it was a Sunday iirc, so they weren't open, or Saturday afternoon. The vet said he needs an operation it will take a couple of hours and cost 2000 and there's a good chance it won't help, so he advised against it.
So we didn't, later i regretted but to late then. we buried him next to Winnie, just a few hours after on the same day.
It's not fate but i van still remember saying when we buried Winnie and we're walking back to the car, at least we have Roscoe for a long time.
Had one more cat since then, it died about 2 years ago (i was living here in Catalonia, so weren't around for it's death)

Whilst writing that on my phone, i had a mosquito buzz around me, and wished death upon that insect. The same time i was relating my sadness of the death of 2 cats
It's gone silent now, lurking. I don't mind it sucking my blood, it's just the buzzing i can't stand, it's only gonna get worse from here on in, becoming warmer. Fuck i hate summers here without Aircon. Now it's only 20, but in a couple of months it will be 28 degrees at 4am, 70 percent humidity I'll be lying in bed naked with no sheets on sweating

Though i have a cunning plan, in about a month i go to war. Hopefully not too my death, i guess my survival is about 80 percent but we will see, I'm not trying to think about it

I just had a thought, i haven't been able to play guitar now for a year since my left index finger doesn't bend, with the next car we got after Winnie and Roscoe. She bit me in the knuckle near where it hurts now. I can remember when she bit me we only had her for like 2 days and we're keeping her inside but she escaped and went under the house outside, i crawled under the house she went to dash or and escape i grabbed her, she bit my hand, i kept hold of her, screaming to my GF, open the door, carried her back in, took about 10secs.
I knew if i let her go, she would be gone. In hindsight i now know this to be true, even years later, she was afraid of everyone, even us. That's the thing with a cat from the SPCA a lot come with baggage.
But fuck het biting me was the worse pain in my life, but i kept holding her.
Went to hospital afterwards they have me a shot, had to have my hand in ice, for a day. Went back to the hospital after 5 days as my hand was super swollen. Eventually it was good not sure how long it took, i could play guitar again.
Then again maybe the reason, stems from when my current gf snapped my finger. Writing that seems weird, she has such an anger in side of her.
We never discussed it but i think she was tortured as a kid by her mom, she has these strange scars on her back (i must take a picture)
Their whole family is nuts. And this is speaking from one nutcase, but compared to them I'm Mr rational.
Fucking hell, my life

mate the vet, or whatever treatment she got had nothing to do with Winnies death.
You also had nothing to do with her death,mate don't beat yourself up about it.
You made her life better with your existance, dont denigrate that. Bask in it.
Weird that we both had cats called Winnie

Fuck off mate, Its not your fault. You done the right thing. If anyone should feel guilty its the vet, so dont beat yourself up. And life I said you brought something postive into her life, so dont turn her death into a negative.
Btw why is she called winnie (ours, female was called winnie after the politician, who is a cunt, btw he was called winnie after another cunt, churchill. Yes churchill in nz we remember WW1)