No this isn't a rant about Blue Velvet, although I do love the film. This is a rant about me finally feeling cohesion with the titular quote. Never in my life have I hated a beer; I've disliked the taste, cut myself on the can, thrown up because I drank too much too fast, throw up because I choked on it and thrown up because I just simply drank too much. Yet never and I mean literally never have I ever hated a beer... Until tonight.

It all started pretty normally. I had had a long day, fighting and ranting and getting into drama. I ate some pasta, drank a couple Body Armors and longed to shoot some zombies with my broskie and as usual I desired some brewskies for that. Alas I was out of beer, @Box had bought some malt liquor shit, but I really like a good solid imported beer. Luckily my wife was out picking up some diapers and trash bags, so I gave her a call and asked for some beer. I waited and waited, you know like you do anytime a woman is out getting 3 items from a store right down the road, but I digress.

Finally, she gets home. I turn to @Box with joy and say "hey man you want a beer? Then we can play some zombies with balls (I know its 'Ballz', but when I say it, I think 'balls')". Apace my smiles faded as I glance upon the 6-Pack on the floor. "Heineken 0.0" it says. I turn to my wife as my joy saunters into disbelief as I fight through waves of anger. It was alcoholic free, and the only Heineken sold at the Walgreens my wife went to. So here I am writing this rant. Sober and sipping on the only beer I've ever hated. So, I ask you next time you go to the store and fancy a nice beer; Heineken? FUCK THAT SHIT! Pabst Blue Ribbon.