I never put down
the toilet seat to take a dump.

Most restrooms don't have those paper thingys to put on top of the seat, and I'd be embarrassed to use one.

The bottom line is that I refuse to sit where another man's ass has been sitting. I'd rather take a chance of sitting on piss.

I can always wipe piss off, I can't wipe off the feeling of having sat on another man's ass.
True story, ladies and gentlemen.