So I'm afraid of heights, spiders, snakes and bees. And then I of course clowns lol

I have one big phobia that I have been dealing with for most of my life. When I was 7 years old, my adopted mom died. I was raised in a very conservative southern Baptist home. After she died, I started really paying attention to what was being said in church. It was (and still is) constant talk about the Rapture, fire, and brimstone. It scares me to the point that it is pretty much always on my mind, but when it gets really bad I start searching online for signs of it for hours on end. To the point where I would be crying endlessly. I have hurt myself when it's really bad, and even seriously considered suicide. I'm a Christian, but it has left me unable to attend church out of fear of hearing something about it. I am getting treatment for this and taking medication. It's a daily struggle to try not to think about it, especially with this pandemic going on.

I've never really talked about this before on here. I tend to keep quiet about a lot of things, and I guess it can make me come across as unfriendly. The truth is, I never really got the chance to talk about these things due to the stalking issue I had. It actually feels good to tell you all this, and I am sorry if I have came across as a cold person.

I'm gonna go with dying. Mainly of cancer. Loved ones dying too. I'm probably a bit germphobic as well.