Sorry, but clowns are shit. I mean, come on! They're basically just people who want to make a living in comedy, but lack either the guts or talent to become a comedian. Instead, they choose to hide behind makeup and go for the easiest possible audience. It's a pathetic existence when you think about it. Going through life pretending you've found your calling while settling for this less-respectable version of what you'd rather be doing. I suppose grabbing hold of even a glimmer of your dream could be better than nothing in some cases, but a clown? I don't know. You should probably just hang yourself and get it overwith. So, anyway. There's this movie about a guy whose genuine dream was to be a clown. To be nothing but a clown. The sad truth about this clown of a man is that he truly was nothing. At one point, all he had was his persona of "Flappy", but after a little hardship, a little soul searching and some much needed growth of his balls, William would finally become somebody... Somebody who is respected. Somebody who is not to be fucked with. This is the story of Vulgar the clown.

There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy. The world could definitely use more of them. However, this guy, William, has got to learn to stand up for himself a little. William is a nice guy. One could say he's just an all around good person. William gets shit on seemingly by everyone he comes across in life. His mom despises him for unknown reasons, Bums hang around outside his lousy little house and throw things at him when he walks by. His only friend is an asshole. It seems as though the only thing that keeps William going is his love for his profession as a birthday clown and his dreams of it all becoming something more. William is convinced it's only a matter of time before his big break and "Flappy The Clown" becomes a household name.

William's biggest problem at the moment is financial. This clown shit is not paying off at the moment and William is going to have to get creative if he plans on making ends meet. William comes up with this idea. It's a bit random and takes some explaining to really make sense, but he comes up with this sleazy alter-ego for bachelor parties. Basically for a prank, like if the groom to be is expecting a stripper, in walks "obnoxious fag clown", and then he'll be all like "what the fuck, dude".... Get it? Yeah, it's pretty lame and does not sound like something that would catch on in a million years. However, William gets his first customer shortly after putting the ad in the paper. And that's where things get interesting.

I'm sure if William had any idea of the hell his first customer would bring down on him, he would have gladly stayed in his lane and remained in the dead end existence that it seems was meant for him. As William slowly creeps into a dark motel room, hoping to find a party, the party finds him. He is immediately assaulted, beaten mercilessly by a giant fat fuck (Ethan Suplee) and his cock-eyed brother. These brothers do the bidding of their vicious deviant of a father. The father, Edwina, explains to William that he's there for one reason: To get his asshole destroyed. William is about to get gang raped and there's not a thing in the world he can do about it. William is then ass raped, fucked in the mouth, beaten within an inch of his life, and left for dead.

After the party, William gets himself home and cleans the cum and blood out of his asshole. Traumatized and forever changed, William needs a little time before even trying to figure out where to go from here. The only person William can turn to and confide in is his asshole friend who turns out to be more caring and dependable than we assumed. It takes him a while to get back into the swing of things, but William eventually dusts off his old Flappy costume and gets back to the only thing in life he is good at: Making children's birthday parties extra special. Once again, the next gig will change everything.

There seems to be a little situation when William arrives at his destination. A pissed off, psychotic father is holding his own daughter at gunpoint in the house as cops are outside trying to reason with him. He only wants his estranged wife to come in and the daughter goes free. Everyone knows what will happen to the wife if she goes in there, so, the cops are stuck between a rock and a hard place. That is, until William grows his balls and just walks up in there and takes the guy out. And just like that, William is a hero. After William's brave act gains some publicity, one thing leads to another, and he is offered his own TV show be an eager network executive (Kevin Smith). William happily accepts, and just like that, his wildest dreams have come true.

William now has the life he's always wanted, and all he has to do is keep on being Flappy. William's new-found happiness would be short-lived, however, as the vicious closet-homo and his boys have discovered Flappy's identity and set out to blackmail, first for money, then for more ass. Unfortunately, the gang rape was filmed and William was forced to say things that might ruin him if it ever got out there. So, once again, William is at the mercy of these sick fucks. The father and sons want one more crack at William's "sweet ass", and he is assured he will be given the only proof of his shame. Of course, William doesn't think for one second that it will be over no matter what he gives them. William knows there is only one way to handle this situation: With a gun!

Starring Brian O'Halloran, who played Dante in Clerks. One thing this movie has over Kevin Smith's is we actually get to see Brian O'Halloran spread his wings as an actor and show what he can really do. William/Flappy/Vulgar is not only more likable and endearing than the whiny pessimist, Dante, but an all around deeper character. A soft spoken doormat who never learned to stand up for himself, and instead, waits and hopes for those who make his life unbearable to pass him by. That attitude only got William so far, and ultimately led him to a situation that waiting and hoping could not fix.

Directed by Bryan Johnson. A friend of Kevin Smith's who has appeared in several of his films, including Mallrats and Dogma. There's obviously a lot of Smith influence to be found in the script, but the silent one certainly never made anything half this dark. And while it is dark in the most entertaining way possible, one doesn't have to be a filmmaker to notice the lack of experience here. I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something missing from this story. It all felt somewhat incomplete to me. It feels like the second and third acts run together, so, when it's all over, it really doesn't seem as though it should be. Not that it was so much anti-climactic as it just sorta rushed to the climax, making the closing scene feel almost out of the blue. I'm guessing this black sheep of the View Askewniverse never found the audience it was looking for or deserves. Vulgar seems like one of those movies that isn't quite sure what it wants to be. It flirts with the rape/revenge aspect, but doesn't quite get there. The comedy mostly falls flat mainly because of how out of place it feels. Vulgar is primarily a dark drama, so, the attempts at comedy relief doesn't really fit, and ultimately doesn't do this movie any favors. If Brian O'Halloran getting his asshole demolished against his will isn't enough to tickle your funny bone, then I don't know what to tell ya! 5/10