It's almost as if Bruno Mattei had plans of jumping on the Cannibal bandwagon all along, but fell asleep for 20 years, only to wake up and carry on, business as usual. Yeah. In 2004, Bruno Mattei made a genuine Cannibal movie. True story. He did lots of stuff in the 2000's, including several more Cannibal entries, along with a Zombie flick or two. The old guy obviously wasn't much for timing, but better late than never, some might say. Mattei also wasn't one much for originality either. Hell Of The Living Dead comes to mind even though I love it. Bruno Mattei may have been the most shameless director of the Italian heyday, and one could make the argument that he is a poor man's all those guys, but who else would do this? who else gave enough of a fuck to give us a 2004 Cannibal film? Bruno Mattei and only Bruno Mattei. Talent/creativity/film be damned! Bruno says it's time for another one!

This shot-on-video, would-be epic goes under several different titles: Cannibal World, Mondo Cannibale, but I'm going to refer to it by its most unfitting (or intriguing?) title of Cannibal Holocaust: The Beginning. I like to think the decision to call it that in whatever country was solely Mattei's idea. And I don't want to poke fun at the dead, but this movie's existence is too funny. Although it can be pretty irritating if you're a huge fan of the legendary Cannibal Holocaust. I say that because this painfully inferior product does nothing but leech off its predecessor. And to be blunt, the one I'm about to shed some light on more or less amounts to that of a bottle of piss. Don't worry. It'll all make sense soon.

Once again, under the pseudonym of Vincent Dawn, Bruno Mattei gives us the Cannibal Holocaust ripoff we never knew we wanted. Such a ripoff that it's about a hair away from being a remake. Hell, Mattei actually might have intended it to be one. Everything that sets up the story is different, but the results remain the same. Along with the same old "who are the real cannibals?" nonsense. I think I even remember some of the same dialogue, so, yeah. That's the level of shamelessness we're working with. Once a thriving news channel, TVN isn't doing so well, ratings-wise. Hot shit anchor woman, Grace Forsyte, aims to fix things and help this dying channel regain the popularity it once enjoyed. Only one thing can reverse the state of things, says Grace. We gotta take it to the Amazon! We gotta go fuck with some cannibals. People love cannibals! No, the naked, brown ones who've never heard of anything. Not the regular ones!

Grace didn't really say that, but I wouldn't be surprised if she thought it. So, Grace is dragging her team all the way out to the Amazon jungle to see if some cannibals could possibly eat somebody if they happen to be feeling generous. Supposedly, there is a tribe around here some refer to as "the invisible people". Surely they'll give up some sweet cannibal action for a news channel on its last legs. Things go surprisingly well as these news whores actually get their footage. And just like that, TVN lives! In fact, TVN's ratings have skyrocketed even more than Grace predicted.

So, mission accomplished, time to go home! Well, not quite yet. Apparently not someone to quit while she's ahead, Grace encourages the others to help her set all the cannibals and their village on fire which will obviously increase the ratings even more. We can always blame it on another tribe, says Grace. A little fake news never hurt anybody, says Grace. If you're familiar with these types of movies, you know what's coming: Bloody, rapey, tasty revenge. Castrations, impalings and regret. Oh, and some authentic animal killings somewhere amongst it all. You didn't think Uncle Bruno would leave that out, did you? He knew what he was doing.

I'd say the magic is lost. Long gone for around two decades by this point. No one can say this isn't a "real" one since it was directed by one of the boys, even though Mattei had literally no experience making these movies. Cannibal Holocaust: The Beginning is unique because it is not a throwback, despite coming off like one. And while it may also feel like a resurrection of sorts, I wouldn't even go that far. To me, Cannibal Holocaust: The Beginning is one man's attempt at picking the bones of a corpse that he damn well knows is no longer edible. So, that only leaves one question: If Cannibal Holocaust and Cannibal Ferox are the Coke and Pepsi of the genre, then, where does this one fit in? Yeah, I'm going with piss. Cannibal Holocaust: The Beginning is a warm bottle of piss. 3/10