Chris Seaver is one of the many no-budget Horror directors that came out of the woodwork back in the 90's. A time when the SOV ship had since sailed. All that was left of this era was a few scraps for guys like Todd Sheets, guys like Tim Ritter, and guys like Chris Seaver. Unlike his peers, Seaver's beatings of the dead SOV horse was actually leading to something.

By the mid-2000's, Chris Seaver's movie career was not only going strong, but it was actually evolving into something more. By this point, he had gained a healthy fanbase, created his own Kevin Smith/Troma-esque universe, and of course, upgraded to something more resembling film. Still far from "making it", Chris Seaver had still managed to survive the dark ages of SOV and went on from there. I think it's safe to say Seaver's peak was in the late 2000's, when movies like Terror At Blood Fart Lake and Deathbone came to be. As much as he improved his craft and moved up in the Z-movie world, the pressures of dealing with studios and the disappointments of certain films not turning out how he envisioned, got to Seaver, leading to the end of his long-running Low Budget Pictures Company, which everyone had seen as synonymous with Chris and his recurring characters. After filming one final epic, Low Budget Pictures was no more. The end of an era, but not the end.

Seaver wasn't about to throw in the towel, as he already had plans for something new to rise from the LBP ashes. Well, maybe "new" isn't the right way of putting it. In 2012, a new company was formed. Warlock Home Video was to be the successor to LBP. While Seaver didn't all together quit what he had been doing, Warlock was to offer something new. Warlock movies were to be 80's SOV throwbacks. Not only that, but they were to be portrayed as "lost" SOV classics, while Warlock itself being portrayed as a long-defunct company, now enjoying a second life. He may have survived the dark ages, and flourished in the 2000's, but Chris Seaver more or less bailed on the current decade, traveling back to a happier time, when movies like this were appreciated. Call it "devolving" if you want, but if Chris Seaver is happier in the 1980's, then, good for him!

Today, we're going to talk about one of the dumbest, one of the most pointless, one of the most 80's flicks that nobody has ever heard of. The perfect example of what Chris Seaver was going for at the time: More fun and less pressure. Clearly, that's what Stoinky Beach was all about. The root of its existence, I mean. The actual movie is one big hard-on for the 80's. Story be damned. Stoinky Beach insists that "It's the 80's and we're having fun!". The man who once played Teenape, Casey Bowker, stars as the recently-dumped Rick, whose girlfriend has up and decided she's done taking a backseat to Rick's friends. It's hard to not sympathize with Ariel, as Rick does only seem to care about drinking beer and eating Bratwurst with the same three guys. Though, they are good friends, I'll admit. The bros are immediately there to pick up the pieces by insisting they spend the day at Stoinky Beach. This beach is made out to be like Muslim-Heaven with the 72 virgins and whatnot. Except the virgins are replaced by sluts who are all drunk and down to fuck. That's what Rick needs. That's what they all need. Luckily, they all totally have each other's backs to the max.

In true 80's movie fashion, the bros meet an alien named Blumpy, played by LBP legend, Josh Suire. Blumpy has traveled to Earth in order to spread the message of love, or something like that. After making fast friends with Rick and the bros, Blumpy decides his mission is to reunite Rick and Ariel. Easier said than done as Ariel also has a group of friends who thinks Stoinky Beach is the answer. Ariel's friends insist that finding a hard, throbbing cock to choke, on will get her over Rick in no time. As Ariel gets cozy with some Solar Shade wearing beefcake with VD, Blumpy has a few tricks up his sleeve to shift things in Rick's favor. I don't want to give away too much of the plot, but I will say this: When it's all said and done, all the bros will have eaten shit straight out of Blumpy's ass. A twist which sums up this movie as good as anything else.

Sure. Such a movie was not exactly expected at this point in Chris Seaver's career. Stoinky Beach may be considered low brow even compared to his "Mulva days", but I can dig it. I can dig the 80's love and I can dig this clever attempt Seaver made at getting back to his roots. Hell, I can even dig how they didn't so much as attempt to make it out like there were people at this "happenin' beach". Say what you will about the abysmal quality and questionable story, you won't find a more authentic throwback. Stoinky Beach captures everything it's attempting to capture.

Unfortunately, these sweet Warlock throwbacks are so tiny-budgeted and under the radar, getting real distribution was probably never an option, hence the careless usage of mainstream music. Besides Stoinky Beach, Warlock also churned out Death O'Lantern 1 and 2, Die-B-Que, and The Dingleberries, among other Horror Comedies. Unfortunately, Warlock did not get the lifespan LBP did. Since those days, Warlock Home Video has also bitten the dust. However, there are some extremely accurate-looking SOV throwbacks out there, just waiting to be discovered. Though you might have to buy them from the man, himself. Chris Seaver hasn't done a hell of a lot since his Warlock days, but I'd be surprised if we have heard the last of him and his unique brand of humor. Such a deep passion for such a rad decade doesn't die easily. No, sir. I don't think Chris Seaver is quite finished blowing the 80's. 5/10