So, here's one I never thought I'd attempt. I feel like it's important to step outside my comfort zone, sometimes, because how else could one possibly improve as a writer? So, today, I'm going to say a few words about a film I've seen quite a few times over the years, but have never really been able to come up with accurate enough words to do it justice. At least not enough of them for a full write-up. Anyone who has actually seen Begotten would understand. To be honest, I'd probably have an easier time writing about most silent films, so, I'm not even sure it'll be worth the trouble, but hey. Let's find out. This film I'm getting ready to tell you about is damned fascinating. The type of fascinating that makes one long for the drugs of yesteryear. You'll see what I mean... or not.

Often referred to as "a nightmare caught on film". I don't know about all of that, but it's certainly different. Using dark, grotesque imagery, Begotten tells the hilarious story of a family who are in a bit of a pickle. Cindy and Bob Russell have to leave town one night after they get a call, informing them that Cindy's father has suffered a heart attack. Bob and Cindy have three children, but feel it's best not to drag them along. After coming up short on every idea for an indefinite babysitter, Bob mentions that his brother, Buck, is always available. Cindy looks down her nose at the low-class Buck and does not want his unemployed fat ass in her house, but unfortunately, there is no choice. So, Bob makes the call and as luck would have it, the good-natured Buck agrees to crawl out of bed, drive across town and help out. While relieved, Cindy is still noticeably displeased that her worthless piece of shit brother-in-law is going to dirty her beautiful home, which should indicate as to how much she loves her father.

Buck was about to go to work for his girlfriend the next morning but has decided that his estranged family needs him more. Convenient, because Buck was not looking forward to that bullshit. All he has to do is look after a couple of kids, now. Or maybe three of them, he suspects. The two younger ones turn out to be rather pleasant, but then, there's Tia, the bitchy 15 year old who hates everyone and everything. The minute Tia lays eyes on her uncle, he is immediately added to the top of the list. Buck tries to remain jolly to maybe break the ice, but he's dead to Tia right off the bat. Why, you ask? Because fuck him! That's why!

Buck Russell is what many might call a loser. Maybe even incompetent. He really has no idea what he's doing, and these three kids could probably do just as good on their own, but there is something to be said for the man's fierce, protective nature. Although this quality angers Tia even more. Especially after Buck is a dick to her boyfriend, Bug, who, to be fair, seems like a dick, himself. Despite the death threats, Buck means well. We are soon given another example of Bucks protectiveness on little Miles' birthday when Pooter the clown shows up drunk. Pooter is ready to entertain, regardless of his condition, but Buck does not approve and tries sending the clown away. As Pooter gets mouthy, Buck cold cocks him pretty good, hopefully teaching him that it is not OK to show up shit-faced to a kid's birthday party. Maybe he had it coming, but if you knew Pooter, you would understand why he drinks so much.

The thing is, Pooter has been very depressed as of late. He has recently come to the realization that he will never live his dream as a comedian. A long time ago, Pooter settled for this clown costume which he has come to loathe more than life itself, just so he could feel like he's at least partially in comedy. Pooter finds it humiliating and now only sees it as a reminder that he's a failure. He doesn't usually drink so much that he's still drunk the next day but last evening happened to be the anniversary of his parent's suicide, so, Pooter is understandably a little down in the mouth. All he has left of them is his sister, whom he would die for.

Bernice is what some might call retarded. It is what it is. Pooter never developed proper social skills, and clearly, Bernice didn't either, so, neither of them know anybody besides each other now that their parents are dead. To put it as tastefully as possible, let's just say the loneliness eventually pushed the siblings into each other's arms, as they have not only fallen in love, but they regularly have intense, unprotected sex with each other. Only when the loneliness is too much to bear, you understand. Pooter doesn't feel great about it, and has contemplated ending things many times, but it's all reached a whole new level of complicated as of late. Bernice is pregnant with a potential freak baby which she wants to keep. It doesn't even seem like she completely grasps what has happened, but Pooter feels like an abortion is the right thing to do, even though it would go against everything he stands for.

If Pooter can't convince Bernice to have the half-retard incest-fetus destroyed, there's really only one route left to take: Pooter might have to abort all three of them, if you catch my drift. And probably with fire, knowing crazy 'ol Pooter. He's still not sure what he's going to do, but all he knows is the loneliness he once felt is nothing compared to this shame. So, yeah. That's why the clown was so drunk. Pooter just despises what he has become on so many levels, all he wants to do is not feel anything. Buck is a reasonable guy and I'm sure he would have been more understanding if he had known all of this

In other news, Buck Russell eats so much cheese, he's starting to feel like a big mouse. This may be old news, and a little late in the game to make any diference because Tia continues to alienate her uncle when all he wants to do is be friends, and maybe even get to know her. Tia really knows how to push Buck's buttons, though, and he knows how to retaliate by being even more of a thoughtless oaf. Things get out of hand after Buck more or less threatens to murder Bug, which infuriates Tia, who fires the next shot by getting Buck in trouble with his girlfriend. This is exacerbated further when Melanoma-head is caught red-handed, dirty dancing with Aunt Jackie. There's no time to mourn the loss of his girlfriend, however, because Tia ran away and if Buck doesn't find her, her parents are going to be super pissed at him. As Buck's carefree life starts to crumble, he naturally steps up and does the responsible thing, eventually proving to everyone, including Tia, that he isn't a total piece of shit.

Well, atleast that's what I got from all that. The fact that there's no dialogue makes it a little hard to follow, at times, but I think that about covers it. Of course, it is all up for interpretation in the end. This mysterious little movie isn't something I have ever cared to revisit very often, as this is really something one must be in the mood for. And since I don't take psychedelic drugs very often, well, you know how it is. All I can really say is the first five or ten minutes was pretty sweet, either way. Part fish out of water Family-Comedy, part experimental art film, Begotten is truly a unique experience that you won't soon forget, regardless of whether you actually enjoy it or not. It has been said that Begotten would eventually go on to serve as inspiration for the killer movie from Gore Verbinski's The Ring. I honestly don't know how these rumors get started. Going by the premise, I just don't see it. 5/10