Oct 2014 *
When I was just a little girl, my dad would take me to the local video shop to rent movies. There was this discount where you could get seven weeklies for seven dollars, and being the cheap movie buffs that we were, we would go nuts and spend ages finding movies to watch. Naturally I was always in the horror section and the foreign section, cos I had an inkling the foreigners knew how to make scary movies. By this point, I was already an established horror fan, but still an extreme movie virgin. The most brutal thing I had seen at this point was Braindead. Oh how I was naïve once….
Then, one fateful day, my sweet innocent 16 year old self came across a title I had seen mentioned on the Horror board before. A title I had seen mentioned on many DISTURBING lists. Oh how these lists intrigued me. Horror movies in general intrigued me, cos horror was always forbidden. But the extreme and disturbing horror movies were like the cream on top, the taboo fruit that one mustn’t touch. But oh how I wanted to touch. I wanted to know everything about these disturbing movies, even if I was too chicken to watch them myself. But here I stood in this video shop, holding in my hand the one, the only, Gasper Noe’s Irreversible!
I had heard the infamy surrounding this title, with a rape scene rumoured to last ten minutes, and an opening with frequency sounds meant to incite nausea. The cover depicting a pretty girl walking into an ominous, red tunnel, the title in huge backwards letters, and a warning splattered on the front, saying it may cause epilepsy. I knew this was no ordinary movie.
My eyes then turned to the R rating at the bottom. For you Americans on board, our R is like your NC17, not something a 16 year old could easily pull off from her loving father. Next to the rating, the words “RESTRICTED TO ADULTS: High level sexual violence, graphic violence, sexual activity! Nice!
I must have this movie, I thought! This was it! My chance to finally jump in the deep end! I was finally gonna check out something really scary. Something really fucked up. I snuck it in between some other random horror movies, in the same way a perv would hide a porno mag in between a house keeping mag and a Cosmopolitan, in the efforts hoping my dad would only skim through them when I handed them to him. Alas, as I did, he went through them thoroughly. Naturally his eyes narrowed when he came across Irreversible. Fuck!
“What’s this?” father asked me, his eyes still narrow, as he turned it around and examined the back contents.
“Um…..it’s just a horror movie”. I said, playing dumb, like I had no idea how graphic the movie was meant to be.
“This doesn’t seem suitable for you” said my father. Yeah, I can watch a man mow down zombies with a lawn mower into mush, but this is too much. Stupid logic! Of course I didn’t say such things to him, I wanted him to let me have the movie. So I put on my best innocent doggy eyes, and explained how it’s meant to be “really, really good, I heard so on imdb”. My dad’s eyes were still narrow. He didn’t say a thing for like 30 seconds, which was completely unnecessary as I waited for his reply in annoying anticipation. Finally….
“Okay, we’ll get it…. (FUCK YEAH!) but…… I want to watch it first to make sure it’s appropriate”.
I’ve never been much of an actor, it was hard to hide my disappointment, but without hesitation I replied “yeah no worries, let me know your thoughts!” Secretly though, I was crushed. If the rumours I had heard about the movie were true, he wouldn’t get half an hour in before telling me I was out of my goddamn head. Dammit father!!!
All the way back home in the car, I contemplated how I was to thwart my father’s efforts of being a good dad. Dammit I had to see the movie before him, but how?!
Well someone out there likes me, because it just so happens that that particular day, was Good Friday. As soon as we got home, my dad told me to get ready to see my grandmother, who was preparing a catholic lunch for my family. Aha! Perfect! Once my dad eats a massive meal, he’ll wanna go to sleep, which will leave me free to watch Irreversible in my room completely uninterrupted! Ahaha! Hahahahhaahhahaha!
The day unfolded exactly as I thought it would, a couple of hours later we were home, and my parents were knocked out from lunch. Victory! Sweet, sweet victory! Oh so I thought. If only I knew what Pandora box I was opening. This was my first dabble into the extreme. And it has stayed with me ever since.
I talk big about extreme movies, I have seen far more sick and vulgar stuff since then, but at sweet 16, never had I seen anything so brutal, so traumatising, so scarring. Irreversible devastated me. It made me cry, it made me sick, it made me convinced that if I went to a party, I’d get raped and die and it would be horrible, which explains my lack of social skills as a teen. What’s more, I couldn’t get the movie out of my head. The head bashing, the rape, the tragic love story,the failed revenge
This is why we watch cinema. Irreversible is an experience. It’s not a pleasant one, it’s a sickening one, it’s one that will probably make you sick, probably make you cry, and probably depress you long after it’s finished, but by God is it a damn good movie. I thought I would never rewatch it, but years later, I am 23, and I regard it as one of the best movies I have ever seen. Rewatched it multiple times and it still has the same effect on me as it did day one all those years ago.
Many movies that end up on disturbing lists sometimes only go for shock value, this is not the case here. The way the movie unfolds is a build up to the ending, which is actually the beginning, as the movie is told in reverse. As calm as the ending is, it’s also shockingly beautiful and depressing at the same time. You know the future of the characters, even if they do not. What’s more, these are real characters, just like you or me. The final shot has our protagonist fade into the background, just like another extra. Just like us. This movie really struck a chord with me.
Don’t misunderstand my story, this is not the most disturbing movie ever made, and if you treat it as such, you may find yourself disappointed. All that comes down to personal preference and taste. There are far more fucked up movies in this extreme zone right now, but for me, this will always be my number one. My most disturbing movie ever. Nothing will ever come close to it. Irreversible left a scar in my psyche that can never be undone. Many apologies for the cliché, but never has a title been so accurate. Once you watch Irreversible, it cannot be reversed. But despite it all, I wouldn't chance a thing. Had I never watched Irreversible, my love for extreme and disturbing horror may have never been established. I wouldn't be the horror fan I am today. The movie may have traumatised me, but I will forever be greatful for it.
Thankyou for reading.
Then, one fateful day, my sweet innocent 16 year old self came across a title I had seen mentioned on the Horror board before. A title I had seen mentioned on many DISTURBING lists. Oh how these lists intrigued me. Horror movies in general intrigued me, cos horror was always forbidden. But the extreme and disturbing horror movies were like the cream on top, the taboo fruit that one mustn’t touch. But oh how I wanted to touch. I wanted to know everything about these disturbing movies, even if I was too chicken to watch them myself. But here I stood in this video shop, holding in my hand the one, the only, Gasper Noe’s Irreversible!
I had heard the infamy surrounding this title, with a rape scene rumoured to last ten minutes, and an opening with frequency sounds meant to incite nausea. The cover depicting a pretty girl walking into an ominous, red tunnel, the title in huge backwards letters, and a warning splattered on the front, saying it may cause epilepsy. I knew this was no ordinary movie.
My eyes then turned to the R rating at the bottom. For you Americans on board, our R is like your NC17, not something a 16 year old could easily pull off from her loving father. Next to the rating, the words “RESTRICTED TO ADULTS: High level sexual violence, graphic violence, sexual activity! Nice!
I must have this movie, I thought! This was it! My chance to finally jump in the deep end! I was finally gonna check out something really scary. Something really fucked up. I snuck it in between some other random horror movies, in the same way a perv would hide a porno mag in between a house keeping mag and a Cosmopolitan, in the efforts hoping my dad would only skim through them when I handed them to him. Alas, as I did, he went through them thoroughly. Naturally his eyes narrowed when he came across Irreversible. Fuck!
“What’s this?” father asked me, his eyes still narrow, as he turned it around and examined the back contents.
“Um…..it’s just a horror movie”. I said, playing dumb, like I had no idea how graphic the movie was meant to be.
“This doesn’t seem suitable for you” said my father. Yeah, I can watch a man mow down zombies with a lawn mower into mush, but this is too much. Stupid logic! Of course I didn’t say such things to him, I wanted him to let me have the movie. So I put on my best innocent doggy eyes, and explained how it’s meant to be “really, really good, I heard so on imdb”. My dad’s eyes were still narrow. He didn’t say a thing for like 30 seconds, which was completely unnecessary as I waited for his reply in annoying anticipation. Finally….
“Okay, we’ll get it…. (FUCK YEAH!) but…… I want to watch it first to make sure it’s appropriate”.
I’ve never been much of an actor, it was hard to hide my disappointment, but without hesitation I replied “yeah no worries, let me know your thoughts!” Secretly though, I was crushed. If the rumours I had heard about the movie were true, he wouldn’t get half an hour in before telling me I was out of my goddamn head. Dammit father!!!
All the way back home in the car, I contemplated how I was to thwart my father’s efforts of being a good dad. Dammit I had to see the movie before him, but how?!
Well someone out there likes me, because it just so happens that that particular day, was Good Friday. As soon as we got home, my dad told me to get ready to see my grandmother, who was preparing a catholic lunch for my family. Aha! Perfect! Once my dad eats a massive meal, he’ll wanna go to sleep, which will leave me free to watch Irreversible in my room completely uninterrupted! Ahaha! Hahahahhaahhahaha!
The day unfolded exactly as I thought it would, a couple of hours later we were home, and my parents were knocked out from lunch. Victory! Sweet, sweet victory! Oh so I thought. If only I knew what Pandora box I was opening. This was my first dabble into the extreme. And it has stayed with me ever since.
I talk big about extreme movies, I have seen far more sick and vulgar stuff since then, but at sweet 16, never had I seen anything so brutal, so traumatising, so scarring. Irreversible devastated me. It made me cry, it made me sick, it made me convinced that if I went to a party, I’d get raped and die and it would be horrible, which explains my lack of social skills as a teen. What’s more, I couldn’t get the movie out of my head. The head bashing, the rape, the tragic love story,
This is why we watch cinema. Irreversible is an experience. It’s not a pleasant one, it’s a sickening one, it’s one that will probably make you sick, probably make you cry, and probably depress you long after it’s finished, but by God is it a damn good movie. I thought I would never rewatch it, but years later, I am 23, and I regard it as one of the best movies I have ever seen. Rewatched it multiple times and it still has the same effect on me as it did day one all those years ago.
Many movies that end up on disturbing lists sometimes only go for shock value, this is not the case here. The way the movie unfolds is a build up to the ending, which is actually the beginning, as the movie is told in reverse. As calm as the ending is, it’s also shockingly beautiful and depressing at the same time. You know the future of the characters, even if they do not. What’s more, these are real characters, just like you or me. The final shot has our protagonist fade into the background, just like another extra. Just like us. This movie really struck a chord with me.
Don’t misunderstand my story, this is not the most disturbing movie ever made, and if you treat it as such, you may find yourself disappointed. All that comes down to personal preference and taste. There are far more fucked up movies in this extreme zone right now, but for me, this will always be my number one. My most disturbing movie ever. Nothing will ever come close to it. Irreversible left a scar in my psyche that can never be undone. Many apologies for the cliché, but never has a title been so accurate. Once you watch Irreversible, it cannot be reversed. But despite it all, I wouldn't chance a thing. Had I never watched Irreversible, my love for extreme and disturbing horror may have never been established. I wouldn't be the horror fan I am today. The movie may have traumatised me, but I will forever be greatful for it.
Thankyou for reading.
