Sep 2014 *
Back in 2006, Slaughtered Vomit Dolls finally hit the shelves as Lucifer Valentines debut was finally released. The cover art was childish, but freaky, like something an infant would draw to express that they were being abused. It's simplistic design, along with the fucked up title was enough to intrigue me. But I didn't watch it. I was too scared.
This in itself should cue you into the sort of bloke that Lucifer Valentine is. He's scary. Like really scary. As far as I can tell, his identity has been kept secret from the internet. No one knows what he looks like, and the few that have worked with him sure as hell aren't telling.
In actuality, he probably looks like this.
But I'm gonna keep picturing the first picture till he shows his face....
Anyways, not only is his appearance a secret, so is his real name. Surely he doesn’t expect us all to believe his parents just happened to call him Lucifer Valentine. Then again, if I ever turned to directing, I’d probably use an offensive pseudonym too, like Holly Cost, or Taylor Swift.
More interesting than this man’s identify, is his upbringing. According to interviews, Valentine was raised by Satanists. Hmmm, perhaps Lucifer Valentine IS his real name. Then again he also apparently had a sister called Cinderella. Whom he had an incestuous relationship with???
At this point, I’m gonna stop, no need to keep repeating internet rumours and what not. I have no idea how much of this stuff is true or not. What I do know is, this man is slowly improving in becoming a bona fide hardcore underground director.
Slaughtered Vomit Dolls (2006)
The first of the trilogy. According to imdb, it’s a “gruesome tapestry of psychological manifestations of a nineteen year old bulimic runaway stripper-turned prostitute as she descends into a hellish pit of satanic nightmares and hallucinations”. Imdb makes it sound more interesting than it is. If I’m to be completely honest, I hated this movie. I wanted to like it, but nah, sorry Valentine, I hated it. I did appreciate what you were trying to do, but the hallucinations were too tiresome. The dialogue, the imagery, the nonlinear plot, the vomit, oh god the vomit! It was all too much for me. Definitely one of the grossest movies I had ever seen, but was such a chore to sit through. Slowing down the footage to the point that the dialogue is inaudible doesn’t really serve much purpose. The movie did look quite satanic, so it gets points for that, but I lost interest 10 mins in. And unfortunately, the lead Ameara Lavey wasn’t really holding my interest either. The good news though, is for a first project, there is always room for improvement. And not only does Valentine improve upon SVD, he’s knocks it out of the park.
ReGOREgitated Sacrifice (2008)
Much like SVD, this movie is nonlinear. Again, Ameara Lavey stars in this beauty, but she is joined by the creepy Soska sisters. I couldn’t really tell you what the movie is about, being non linear and all, its comes across as random footage. I read lately that it had connections to supposed suicide of Valentines sister, though I cannot confirm that myself. What I can tell you, is Valentine incorporated several different filming techniques that paid off a great deal in this one. You can see he’s experimenting and trying to figure out his approach as a director. His use of score and editing had improved greatly from number one. He was able to actually build atmosphere and generate fear, something that was completely devoid of SVD. Use of the camera also was creepy. Everything in this movie was creepy. As gross and disgusting as it is, it cannot be denied, it’s scary. I mean really scary. It feels like the devil himself directed this movie. Where the first one just looked like a really bad music video on acid. Well done to the Soska sisters as well, as their presence only made the movie that much more creepy.
Naturally, you can also expect lots of vomit and other disgusting things, one including a spider…..I don’t like spiders…. Curse you Valentine. But don’t look for spoilers here, cos I won’t give them. What I can promise you, is lots of fucked up images. You’ll get plenty of that and more here.
Slow Torture Puke Chamber (2010)
Starring Hope Likens, the spot light is taken off of Ameara Lavey. This is one of the better moves from Valentine. Likens actually does a very decent job at being sympathetic. And gross. How she managed to puke blood is beyond me, but naturally it freaked me out quite a bit. There is also quite a bit of shocking content (well duh it’s a Lucifer valentine flick) accompanied with blasphemous imagery and s&m shit. I believe Valentine tried to up the stakes from RG, unfortunately, some of what is filmed is so shocking and over the top, it comes across as a little silly. The baby and blender part in particular. Again, the non linear thing. If I had any lick of smarts, I could probably figure out these movies, but I need to be spoon fed. Which is why I’m staying as far away from Lars Von Trier as humanly possible.
While a slight step down from RG, it’s still a massive improvement from SVDs. Likens did an excellent job with her monologues, and Valentine even made tribute to The Exorcist. Or wanted to up the ante. Probably the latter. In his attempts to end the trilogy with a bang, he instead ended it with a kinda interesting finish, but nothing too unique or special.
A Perfect Child of Satan (2012)
Now this! This is good shit! I mean really good shit! This right here, is proof that Valentine can make a fantastic LINEAR plot movie. Albeit, it’s only short, but it’s a short flick that beats RG in terms of sheer fear. You can only find this on the Vomit Gore Trilogy boxset, but believe me, it's toally worth it. A short flick on the dangers of internet dating, told totally in first person and shaky cam, we see the first half through the eyes of a girl getting ready to meet her online boyfriend, and the second half we see through his eyes, how the evening plays out. I’m sure you can guess what happens.
For those of you who hate vomit, you’re in luck, there’s none here. This one doesn’t attempt to gross you out, it just attempts to disturb you. And that’s why I loved it. Using similar techniques from RG, Valentine uses music and anticipation to build up tension to an incredible climax. And Chelsea Chainsaw gives an incredibly real and emotional performance. I give total props to both of them. This gives me great belief that Valentine is totally capable of now making a full feature with a linear plot, that will scare Chuck Norris shitless.
Valentine also made a documentary on drug use called Black Metal Veins. I haven’t seen this one as of yet, but will be shortly. In the meantime, I anxiously await to see more of what Valentine has to offer. It is awesome seeing his projects grow and improve over time. He is learning, and could possibly become the most fucked up film maker around, if he wants to. Only time will tell. Bravo Valentine. Bravo.
Thankyou.
This in itself should cue you into the sort of bloke that Lucifer Valentine is. He's scary. Like really scary. As far as I can tell, his identity has been kept secret from the internet. No one knows what he looks like, and the few that have worked with him sure as hell aren't telling.
In actuality, he probably looks like this.
But I'm gonna keep picturing the first picture till he shows his face....
Anyways, not only is his appearance a secret, so is his real name. Surely he doesn’t expect us all to believe his parents just happened to call him Lucifer Valentine. Then again, if I ever turned to directing, I’d probably use an offensive pseudonym too, like Holly Cost, or Taylor Swift.
More interesting than this man’s identify, is his upbringing. According to interviews, Valentine was raised by Satanists. Hmmm, perhaps Lucifer Valentine IS his real name. Then again he also apparently had a sister called Cinderella. Whom he had an incestuous relationship with???
At this point, I’m gonna stop, no need to keep repeating internet rumours and what not. I have no idea how much of this stuff is true or not. What I do know is, this man is slowly improving in becoming a bona fide hardcore underground director.
Slaughtered Vomit Dolls (2006)
The first of the trilogy. According to imdb, it’s a “gruesome tapestry of psychological manifestations of a nineteen year old bulimic runaway stripper-turned prostitute as she descends into a hellish pit of satanic nightmares and hallucinations”. Imdb makes it sound more interesting than it is. If I’m to be completely honest, I hated this movie. I wanted to like it, but nah, sorry Valentine, I hated it. I did appreciate what you were trying to do, but the hallucinations were too tiresome. The dialogue, the imagery, the nonlinear plot, the vomit, oh god the vomit! It was all too much for me. Definitely one of the grossest movies I had ever seen, but was such a chore to sit through. Slowing down the footage to the point that the dialogue is inaudible doesn’t really serve much purpose. The movie did look quite satanic, so it gets points for that, but I lost interest 10 mins in. And unfortunately, the lead Ameara Lavey wasn’t really holding my interest either. The good news though, is for a first project, there is always room for improvement. And not only does Valentine improve upon SVD, he’s knocks it out of the park.
ReGOREgitated Sacrifice (2008)
Much like SVD, this movie is nonlinear. Again, Ameara Lavey stars in this beauty, but she is joined by the creepy Soska sisters. I couldn’t really tell you what the movie is about, being non linear and all, its comes across as random footage. I read lately that it had connections to supposed suicide of Valentines sister, though I cannot confirm that myself. What I can tell you, is Valentine incorporated several different filming techniques that paid off a great deal in this one. You can see he’s experimenting and trying to figure out his approach as a director. His use of score and editing had improved greatly from number one. He was able to actually build atmosphere and generate fear, something that was completely devoid of SVD. Use of the camera also was creepy. Everything in this movie was creepy. As gross and disgusting as it is, it cannot be denied, it’s scary. I mean really scary. It feels like the devil himself directed this movie. Where the first one just looked like a really bad music video on acid. Well done to the Soska sisters as well, as their presence only made the movie that much more creepy.
Naturally, you can also expect lots of vomit and other disgusting things, one including a spider…..I don’t like spiders…. Curse you Valentine. But don’t look for spoilers here, cos I won’t give them. What I can promise you, is lots of fucked up images. You’ll get plenty of that and more here.
Slow Torture Puke Chamber (2010)
Starring Hope Likens, the spot light is taken off of Ameara Lavey. This is one of the better moves from Valentine. Likens actually does a very decent job at being sympathetic. And gross. How she managed to puke blood is beyond me, but naturally it freaked me out quite a bit. There is also quite a bit of shocking content (well duh it’s a Lucifer valentine flick) accompanied with blasphemous imagery and s&m shit. I believe Valentine tried to up the stakes from RG, unfortunately, some of what is filmed is so shocking and over the top, it comes across as a little silly. The baby and blender part in particular. Again, the non linear thing. If I had any lick of smarts, I could probably figure out these movies, but I need to be spoon fed. Which is why I’m staying as far away from Lars Von Trier as humanly possible.
While a slight step down from RG, it’s still a massive improvement from SVDs. Likens did an excellent job with her monologues, and Valentine even made tribute to The Exorcist. Or wanted to up the ante. Probably the latter. In his attempts to end the trilogy with a bang, he instead ended it with a kinda interesting finish, but nothing too unique or special.
A Perfect Child of Satan (2012)
Now this! This is good shit! I mean really good shit! This right here, is proof that Valentine can make a fantastic LINEAR plot movie. Albeit, it’s only short, but it’s a short flick that beats RG in terms of sheer fear. You can only find this on the Vomit Gore Trilogy boxset, but believe me, it's toally worth it. A short flick on the dangers of internet dating, told totally in first person and shaky cam, we see the first half through the eyes of a girl getting ready to meet her online boyfriend, and the second half we see through his eyes, how the evening plays out. I’m sure you can guess what happens.
For those of you who hate vomit, you’re in luck, there’s none here. This one doesn’t attempt to gross you out, it just attempts to disturb you. And that’s why I loved it. Using similar techniques from RG, Valentine uses music and anticipation to build up tension to an incredible climax. And Chelsea Chainsaw gives an incredibly real and emotional performance. I give total props to both of them. This gives me great belief that Valentine is totally capable of now making a full feature with a linear plot, that will scare Chuck Norris shitless.
Valentine also made a documentary on drug use called Black Metal Veins. I haven’t seen this one as of yet, but will be shortly. In the meantime, I anxiously await to see more of what Valentine has to offer. It is awesome seeing his projects grow and improve over time. He is learning, and could possibly become the most fucked up film maker around, if he wants to. Only time will tell. Bravo Valentine. Bravo.
Thankyou.
