Mulva. Yes, that's her name. That's the name of our protagonist in this otherwise decent film. Someone thought it was a good idea to give our protagonist a name that sounds dangerously similar to female genitalia. Well, it's just a name right, I mean, we can't judge a book by it's cover, right? Well, if we were to judge Mulva by her cover, she'd look like this.



That's pretty hot. That chick could totally get away with being called Mulva. When you look like that, who cares what your name it, right! Hell, she could get away with being called Fanny! Well my dear fellow rubbish lovers, you'd be sorely disappointed. Cos that cover is a lie. Behold Mulva, and her wonder and glory....



Urgh... why do I feel a strange urgh to slap this bitch...
I mean let's really look at this picture. She's wearing pedophile glasses with one of the lenses missing. She's got either chocolate or shit or both all around her mouth, and it stays there for the duration of the entire movie, her hair looks like it hasn't been brushed in months and she's got just a really annoying smile going on there. Yeah, this movie is going to be a trial.

The film opens in Mulva's bedroom, where she has a pretty kickarse horror collection, with Fangoria mags, iconic horror character toys, and a poster dedicated to Troma movies. Okay, perhaps I judged Mulva too soon, with such a cool collection, she's gotta be cool, right?

Well no, my initial reaction was right. Mulva only needed to say one word and I hated her again. It's hard to describe her voice, but it's got a lisp and is just so incredibly annoying. Mulva in general is so incredibly annoying. Even her dog has the look of hatred in his eyes. Poor bastard.

Well, Mulva is really, really excited. Apparently Halloween is tomorrow and she's finally going to get to go trick or treating. Which got me thinking, how old do you reckon this chick is? My original guess was 36, but then I changed it to 8. If she's finally going to go trick or treating for the first time, she's got to be some kind of child. It would explain all the chocolate on her face and her annoying personality. Yep, this bitch was somewhere between the ages of 8 and 36. Well I later found out from an almost naked cowboy guitar singing bloke, that she’s 23. I literally face palmed. 23?! Bitch please!

Well, the shocking twist, is there are zombies on the loose, and they're going to ruin Mulva's big night and steal all her lollies, and Mulva can't have that cos she's obsessed with the shit due to some pathetic tramuatic event that happened to her years ago. So she's gotta band together with some other losers and kick some arse. I wouldn't go as far as to call her an ass kicker though, that's just more false advertising, but she does give it her best.

I gotta say, I actually enjoyed this movie immensely, however, I dispise the character of Mulva. Any scene that excluded Mulva from it was my favourite scene, and every scene that she was in was the worst. Now you lot might think I'm giving her a bum rep, but gosh, you guys haven't even heard it laugh yet. I mean holy mother of GOD! When she laughed..... I wanted to kill her with fire!!!

Obviously Mulva is meant to be redicilous, we are meant to make fun of her, but to me, she was too annoying, even for that. And sticky... she looked so sticky. I know this because of all the up close and personal shots we got with the zoom in shots. I literally cringed cos the idea of being close to this girl made me uncomfortable. Gosh all I could think of was how sticky she must be. The face... for the love of god woman, wash your goddamn face!

This was my second Chris Seaver film, so I knew production would be very low. Everything about it was so low budgit, which is naturally their charm. You know something is bad when you actually hear instructions from the director during the movie. I swear, at the 7.30 min mark, you hear the director cue Mulva to start her lines. Dude...
But you know, low production values aren't necessarily a bad thing. In fact I'd wagger most of us prefer it like that, cos it adds to the charm. I actually really digged Chris Seavers Terror at Blood Fart Lake (and Deathbone...and Sexsquatch... okay I love pretty much all his shit). They have low production values too. They also had other annoying characters but they didn't have Mulva in it. So they all win by default.

This movie is actually quite entertaining. One of the bully's that picks on Mulva has a voice dubbed over him was absolutely brilliant. He got quite a few laughs out of me, especially when he called Mulva a stupid bitch.
I also liked the random old guy that has an obsession with Bill Cosby. He had some epic liners, especially when he told some random kid to suck his black dick!
He's a star next to Mulva...shudder.

Oh, and the zombies. They have some entertaining and bloody death scenes, but they are few and far in between. Also, for a city that's overrun with zombies, Mulva and her friends only seem to be fight five of them in the end. Isn't there like 100 more of them? What the hell happened to the rest of them?! Running away from Mulva would be my guess.

There's a cool cameo from Lloyd Kaufman and some of his iconic characters at the end, and for some reason, this movie is set in Tromaview. Not sure what the relevance is, but I'll go with it. Familiar faces and references make me smile. And that's another reason why i am starting to form an appreciation for Chris Seaver, the guy loves movies and it shows. But this... I... why is Mulva the star???! Mulva has gone down in history as being the most annoying character in the history of characters. And I haven't even told you about her Ghost busters impersonation.

I love the enthusiasm and passion in Chris Seaver, and totally will check out more from him. But the character Mulva needs to go away and die now. But just for the sake of it, here's one last look at that obnoxious, annoying, shit covered cunt.



The stuff of nightmares. Enjoy. Thankyou.

On one final note, the sequel, Mulva 2 kick absolute arse! You know why? Cos Debbie Rochon now plays Mulva, and she's now a Kill Bill reference. Ha, Mulva can be funny after all, go figure.