Jul 2022 *
I just wanted to mention this one, in case anybody's interested. It's not exactly a gem, but it has its attractions, and it certainly qualifies as a trash epic.
I'm talking about the movie by this name starring Bill Moseley, Paul Logan, Sydney Sweeney, Vernon Wells, Nestor Serrano, Don "The Dragon" Wilson, etc. Not the French movie also called The Horde, from 2009. Here, this is the one I'm talking about:
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3924782/
Anyway, to just get a very quick sense of roughly what to expect, I would agree with the IMDB reviewer who described it as essentially a hybrid of Commando (1985) and Wrong Turn (2003). In fact, I bet they got Vernon Wells to be in it because they were basically trying to copy Commando... That is the most important expectation to have, to just expect a combination of Commando and Wrong Turn. It also has important elements from Rambo movies, The Hills Have Eyes, and from a few random old Jean-Claude Van Damme movies. It would have made a pretty fun USA Up All Night movie.
It's a story about a cute young female college professor, who takes some typical horny kids from her nature photography class out in the woods. They are supposed to be on a little camping trip, taking pictures of nature (which apparently includes somebody's escaped pet guinea pig... soooo that was pretty funny to see). She (the college professor) looks sort of like a cross between Vanessa Curry and a youngish Katie Holmes. But, her much-much-much-much-much older (it's a bit gross) boyfriend, played by Paul Logan, is the real star of the show. He is supposed to be some kind of ex-Special Forces or Navy SEALs dude, who has retired but gets sucked back into a life of action, mayhem, and carnage, by the events of the film.
The villains of the film are a bunch of... I don't know, maybe 15 or 20 mutants, led by Costas Mandylor, who live in the woods and kill people. One of the mutants appears to have that disease that makes you look like an Ent, the disease that that Indonesian guy, Dede Koswara, had. That disease is called epidermodysplasia verruciformis, and I thought it was pretty creative to have a character with that disease.... anyway, that was just one of the mutants, there are a whole bunch of them and they appear to have lots of different things wrong with them. Actually a few of them are just assholes who want to kill people, they aren't really mutated in any obvious physical way. If they ever explained why all the mutants and assholes found each other and decided to form a colony in the woods, I missed it.
Several of the mutants and assholes can talk, (although not all of them can), and they basically say typical evil character sorts of things.
You can guess every single thing that happens in this movie, and you would be exactly, exactly, exactly right. No surpises in this movie.
It's not a masterpiece of a film, but it can be kind of fun if you aren't expecting too much from it. Paul Logan wrote it, and I can just feel that he was trying to emulate some of the great action movies and B movies of the 80s and early 90s, and give them a bit of a horror twist. I think he did a perfectly decent job of doing that. He is in amazing shape, and he just generally beats the living daylights out of every mutant he meets. I would have seriously loved it if this was on TV when I was a kid. Seeing it as an adult, I can pretty much respect it, and say that they did what they wanted to do with it.
Bill Moseley plays the local small business owner who is in league with the mutants, and helps get them victims, and covers up for them... there are characters like him in Children of the Corn, Wrong Turn, Cabin in the Woods, etc etc etc.
It also has Matthew Willig, as a sort of an inbred backwoods Richard Marcinko type of dude, which of course is a pretty scary thing to think about.
So anyway, yeah... if you're up for watching a throwback movie to 80s or early 90s action insanity, with a semi-horror vibe, you could do worse than this. They didn't have the budget for real effects, and that's part of its charm... it really does feel like something from 30-ish years ago.
Had to share! It's on Tubi right now.
I'm talking about the movie by this name starring Bill Moseley, Paul Logan, Sydney Sweeney, Vernon Wells, Nestor Serrano, Don "The Dragon" Wilson, etc. Not the French movie also called The Horde, from 2009. Here, this is the one I'm talking about:
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3924782/
Anyway, to just get a very quick sense of roughly what to expect, I would agree with the IMDB reviewer who described it as essentially a hybrid of Commando (1985) and Wrong Turn (2003). In fact, I bet they got Vernon Wells to be in it because they were basically trying to copy Commando... That is the most important expectation to have, to just expect a combination of Commando and Wrong Turn. It also has important elements from Rambo movies, The Hills Have Eyes, and from a few random old Jean-Claude Van Damme movies. It would have made a pretty fun USA Up All Night movie.
It's a story about a cute young female college professor, who takes some typical horny kids from her nature photography class out in the woods. They are supposed to be on a little camping trip, taking pictures of nature (which apparently includes somebody's escaped pet guinea pig... soooo that was pretty funny to see). She (the college professor) looks sort of like a cross between Vanessa Curry and a youngish Katie Holmes. But, her much-much-much-much-much older (it's a bit gross) boyfriend, played by Paul Logan, is the real star of the show. He is supposed to be some kind of ex-Special Forces or Navy SEALs dude, who has retired but gets sucked back into a life of action, mayhem, and carnage, by the events of the film.
The villains of the film are a bunch of... I don't know, maybe 15 or 20 mutants, led by Costas Mandylor, who live in the woods and kill people. One of the mutants appears to have that disease that makes you look like an Ent, the disease that that Indonesian guy, Dede Koswara, had. That disease is called epidermodysplasia verruciformis, and I thought it was pretty creative to have a character with that disease.... anyway, that was just one of the mutants, there are a whole bunch of them and they appear to have lots of different things wrong with them. Actually a few of them are just assholes who want to kill people, they aren't really mutated in any obvious physical way. If they ever explained why all the mutants and assholes found each other and decided to form a colony in the woods, I missed it.
Several of the mutants and assholes can talk, (although not all of them can), and they basically say typical evil character sorts of things.
You can guess every single thing that happens in this movie, and you would be exactly, exactly, exactly right. No surpises in this movie.
It's not a masterpiece of a film, but it can be kind of fun if you aren't expecting too much from it. Paul Logan wrote it, and I can just feel that he was trying to emulate some of the great action movies and B movies of the 80s and early 90s, and give them a bit of a horror twist. I think he did a perfectly decent job of doing that. He is in amazing shape, and he just generally beats the living daylights out of every mutant he meets. I would have seriously loved it if this was on TV when I was a kid. Seeing it as an adult, I can pretty much respect it, and say that they did what they wanted to do with it.
Bill Moseley plays the local small business owner who is in league with the mutants, and helps get them victims, and covers up for them... there are characters like him in Children of the Corn, Wrong Turn, Cabin in the Woods, etc etc etc.
It also has Matthew Willig, as a sort of an inbred backwoods Richard Marcinko type of dude, which of course is a pretty scary thing to think about.
So anyway, yeah... if you're up for watching a throwback movie to 80s or early 90s action insanity, with a semi-horror vibe, you could do worse than this. They didn't have the budget for real effects, and that's part of its charm... it really does feel like something from 30-ish years ago.
Had to share! It's on Tubi right now.
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