Mar '19
As some here may know I'm living with a girl in Barcelona, i have been since Christmas.
Needless to say moving here from nz was a bit of a jump, though not the first time I've made such a leap.
Anyways this concerns me and the gf.
Now it hasn't been going the best between us for a while, even back in nz i had my doubts about her, i even wrote a long post to one of her friends ultimately asking him if she was taking any medication, as she would go from happy to super angry, upset over literally the smallest unimportant things. I.e was she bi polar? Is this crazy behaviour she does just normal for her? I had never seen anything like this before. Though after sending it with WhatsApp to him i decided to delete it a couple of hours later before he read it. Ok so i did come here thinking perhaps she we be a bit more sane when I'm actually there, hmmmm :) haha yeah right that was gonna work
Arriving here i quickly came to the realization she's not actually a nice person at all, not just not nice, she can be a downright asshole talking about about people she has never met, if i try to defend these people then i open myself for attack also. ‘Zed how can you not see this, why are you not agreeing with me’ etc, ultimately i have to agree with whatever the subject is cause that's the only way to stop her talking about a subject incessantly. I'm not exaggerating i think the subject is closed and thank God for that, and then an hour later, out comes her abuse of whatever the subject is again. So tiring. Over and over again, I've never experienced anyone who behaves like this before, eye opening to me. And then there's the attacks on me personally, seems whatever i do it's just wrong, such a negative person i have never met. She wonders why sometimes i don't mention things to her? God sometimes I'm almost afraid to mention anything for dear of awakening her criticism, she complains about her mum doing this to her, but apparently she is totally unaware that's exactly how she behaves to me. She has a complex about her mum’s behaviour and from what she has told me about her mum, that's warranted. The thing is, perhaps that's true, but perhaps that's not true, but now i know her far better i have no idea what to believe, she speaks total BS so often, for the longest time i thought, oh she's knows she's lying and doesn't want to admit it but now after conducting tests i have come to the conclusion she is not lying!!!, she actually believes the crap she says! No matter how easily proven false it is, even presented with reality and being told this is reality, its like she sees something else, it's so so weird, i have to fight to stop myself pointing out the obvious weak points in her stories. I now come to understand Donald trump better from living with her. So many times she professes to know more about a field from some googling than the scientists who actually have worked in the field for years. So much hubris. So much unearthly self belief in herself. Perfect dunning kruger specimen
So Why am i still here?
Well i still like her, i still think i can change her :) even still, though i know it's not gonna happen, i see a lot of myself in her, yes i've never been so extreme, and I'm now more aware of these flaws in myself, she actually makes me try and improve myself, which is good.
Also i like Barcelona, and speaking Catalan, learning some Spanish also is beneficial, i like knowledge.
Also seeing parts of the countryside that i haven't seen it's also cool.
And most important she is my twin, we are soooo similar, yes i know this sounds bad but hey that's part of the reason i love her
So what say thee
Needless to say moving here from nz was a bit of a jump, though not the first time I've made such a leap.
Anyways this concerns me and the gf.
Now it hasn't been going the best between us for a while, even back in nz i had my doubts about her, i even wrote a long post to one of her friends ultimately asking him if she was taking any medication, as she would go from happy to super angry, upset over literally the smallest unimportant things. I.e was she bi polar? Is this crazy behaviour she does just normal for her? I had never seen anything like this before. Though after sending it with WhatsApp to him i decided to delete it a couple of hours later before he read it. Ok so i did come here thinking perhaps she we be a bit more sane when I'm actually there, hmmmm :) haha yeah right that was gonna work
Arriving here i quickly came to the realization she's not actually a nice person at all, not just not nice, she can be a downright asshole talking about about people she has never met, if i try to defend these people then i open myself for attack also. ‘Zed how can you not see this, why are you not agreeing with me’ etc, ultimately i have to agree with whatever the subject is cause that's the only way to stop her talking about a subject incessantly. I'm not exaggerating i think the subject is closed and thank God for that, and then an hour later, out comes her abuse of whatever the subject is again. So tiring. Over and over again, I've never experienced anyone who behaves like this before, eye opening to me. And then there's the attacks on me personally, seems whatever i do it's just wrong, such a negative person i have never met. She wonders why sometimes i don't mention things to her? God sometimes I'm almost afraid to mention anything for dear of awakening her criticism, she complains about her mum doing this to her, but apparently she is totally unaware that's exactly how she behaves to me. She has a complex about her mum’s behaviour and from what she has told me about her mum, that's warranted. The thing is, perhaps that's true, but perhaps that's not true, but now i know her far better i have no idea what to believe, she speaks total BS so often, for the longest time i thought, oh she's knows she's lying and doesn't want to admit it but now after conducting tests i have come to the conclusion she is not lying!!!, she actually believes the crap she says! No matter how easily proven false it is, even presented with reality and being told this is reality, its like she sees something else, it's so so weird, i have to fight to stop myself pointing out the obvious weak points in her stories. I now come to understand Donald trump better from living with her. So many times she professes to know more about a field from some googling than the scientists who actually have worked in the field for years. So much hubris. So much unearthly self belief in herself. Perfect dunning kruger specimen
So Why am i still here?
Well i still like her, i still think i can change her :) even still, though i know it's not gonna happen, i see a lot of myself in her, yes i've never been so extreme, and I'm now more aware of these flaws in myself, she actually makes me try and improve myself, which is good.
Also i like Barcelona, and speaking Catalan, learning some Spanish also is beneficial, i like knowledge.
Also seeing parts of the countryside that i haven't seen it's also cool.
And most important she is my twin, we are soooo similar, yes i know this sounds bad but hey that's part of the reason i love her
So what say thee
