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Jun '19
No this isn't a rant about Blue Velvet, although I do love the film. This is a rant about me finally feeling cohesion with the titular quote. Never in my life have I hated a beer; I've disliked the taste, cut myself on the can, thrown up because I drank too much too fast, throw up because I choked on it and thrown up because I just simply drank too much. Yet never and I mean literally never have I ever hated a beer... Until tonight.

It all started pretty normally. I had had a long day, fighting and ranting and getting into drama. I ate some pasta, drank a couple Body Armors and longed to shoot some zombies with my broskie and as usual I desired some brewskies for that. Alas I was out of beer, @Box had bought some malt liquor shit, but I really like a good solid imported beer. Luckily my wife was out picking up some diapers and trash bags, so I gave her a call and asked for some beer. I waited and waited, you know like you do anytime a woman is out getting 3 items from a store right down the road, but I digress.

Finally, she gets home. I turn to @Box with joy and say "hey man you want a beer? Then we can play some zombies with balls (I know its 'Ballz', but when I say it, I think 'balls')". Apace my smiles faded as I glance upon the 6-Pack on the floor. "Heineken 0.0" it says. I turn to my wife as my joy saunters into disbelief as I fight through waves of anger. It was alcoholic free, and the only Heineken sold at the Walgreens my wife went to. So here I am writing this rant. Sober and sipping on the only beer I've ever hated. So, I ask you next time you go to the store and fancy a nice beer; Heineken? FUCK THAT SHIT! Pabst Blue Ribbon.


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Box_a_Hair says:
#2

Jun '19
Non-alcoholic beer is some funny shit. That's one of the funniest jokes you can ever play on anyone who doesn't pay attention to things. Good thing I'm already drunk, or this beer wouldn't be funny at all.



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