Did somebody say porn???


'K, here's a top 10. Of course, narrowing it down to 10 is absolutely ridiculous and impossible, so I'll throw some related recs in with each pick.

1. Water Power (1977): Competing neck-and-neck with Cannibal Holocaust for the title of ultimate exploitation movie, this slice of enema-blasting mayhem is porn at its most outrageous, hilarious and oh-so-wrong. The centrepiece performance from Jamie Gillis is so joyously sleazy, you'd have to be a seriously boring fuck not to get a kick out of it. Reportedly when it was made, members of the Gambino crime family (who funded the film) walked off set in disgust. Director Shaun Costello is also known for THE rape-porn classick Forced Entry (1973). I personally find that one a tad dull, although it does have a solid grimy Taxi Driveresque vibe. Costello's own personal fave of his films is the Christmas themed The Passions of Carol (1975), which I reviewed somewhere on this site a couple years ago.

2. The Opening of Misty Beethoven (1976): This Radley Metzger classic often tops lists for greatest porno ever and it's a blast. A retelling of the Pygmalion tale - kinda like My Fair Lady, only with less mind-numbing tedium and more cumshots - it's got a tremendously witty script, super-retro 70s stylings and some seriously hot fucking. A nice mix of intentional and unintentional laughs to go with the jizzworthiness. I once showed this to a chick on our 2nd date. Afterwards, she cooked me an amazing dinner and we had some really fun sex. So yeah, consider this one tried and tested. All of Metzger's other flicks, both hardcore and softcore, are excellent too.

3. Corruption (1983): You all know The Last House on Dead End Street (1977), right? Possibly the most vicious, hostile and hateful horror movie of the 1970s, perhaps ever. Well, the director, Roger Watkins, went on to direct porn. Thing is, he hated porn. So what we got was the most dark, downbeat, depressing "erotica" ever. From the anti-drug fable Her Name Was Lisa (1980) to the psychosexual deathfuck character study Midnight Heat (1983) to the ultra-black comedy American Babylon (1987).His masterpiece is the Faustian fuckflick Corruption. Basically, this is like David Lynch made a porno. But amazingly, it touches heavily on later Lynchian visual and thematic motifs (think Lost Highway and Mulholland Drive), over a decade before Lynch himself got there. Antiwank material at its finest.

4. Breaking Point (1975): So, that last one was like Lynch made a porno? This here is like Bunuel made a porno. Weird as fuck. A regular everyday normal guy (he gets nervous in social situations, motherfucker) embarks on a strange odyssey of random seduction, rape, swatting flys off his dick head and blowing up helicopters. Impressively off-kilter atmosphere throughout, this is IMO much better than the director's previous and better-known flick Thriller, A Cruel Picture (1973).

5. Born to Raise Hell (1975): The best gay porno ever made? Probably. The best gay S&M porno ever made? Without a fucking doubt. This gay roughie puts all straight roughies to shame, with violent, sexsweat-drenched atmosphere that practically leaps off the screen to splatter your face with hatecum. Val Martin gives a dynamite performance as the lead leatherfag; his pointy beard and pure dom demeanour making him like a butt-destroying Beelzebub, fisting and fucking his way through the asses of the dingiest homo cumbucket divebars. For more downbeat dude-on-dude action, Do Me Evil (1975) is quality miserabalia. And if you just wanna see buff guys pounding the shit of each other, the highest of recommendations got to Tim Kincaid's genre-defining trilogy Kansas City Trucking Co (1976), El Paso Wrecking Corp (1978) and LA Tool and Die (1982).

6. The Taming of Rebecca (1982): Phil Prince made some damn nasty porn. That was his thing. Even a top chick like Annie Sprinkle, who was up for anything in the porno game, later expressed regret about the films she did with Prince. But if it's nasty you want, then it's hard to go past his stuff, this one being perhaps the cream of the crop. Plenty of rape, some incestuous pissing and a smidge of fisting, all set to the gratuitously stolen theme song from Halloween. Gold. Best of all is that Prince always got the best out of George Payne, without a doubt the most disturbingly enthusiastic porn actor when it came to playing deranged perverts. Other Prince/Payne collaborations are also excellent, especially the fucked up comedy anthology Dr Bizarro (1983) and the glorious Kneel Before Me (1983) where Payne plays the Marquis de Sade in a performance so insanely OTT, it makes Nicolas Cage's wildest excesses seem subtle in comparison.

7. Behind the Green Door (1972): While Linda Lovelace was gettin throatfucked in NYC, over on the opposite coast, the Mitchell brothers were making the other major porno of the year. Sadly, it didn't strike a chord with the public consciousness in the way that Deep Throat did. Damn shame really, because Green Door was focussed on female pleasure and female orgasm in a way that very little porn since has been. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that Deep Throat hit the bigtime. I've loved all the blowjobs, ladies. I really have. But, I feel like the whole culture of porn that's developed since then has turned a woman's orgasm into a support band, rather than the main event that it deserves to be. Having said that, Green Door also gave us cinema's first facial. Again, thanks ladies. Really, thanks.
The Mitchell brothers went on to make Sodom and Gomorrah (1975), at the time, the most expensive and elaborate porno ever made. They also did a sequel to Behind the Green Door, imaginatively titled Behind the Green Door: The Sequel (1986), which was the first ever all-condom porn. It's superfun and superweird.

8. The Farmer's Daughters (1976): Gotta have some Zebedy Colt on this list. Zebedy was one of the first bonafide bisexual porn stars, although he leaned more toward the fellas. It was actually somewhat normal in the '70s and '80s for gay dudes to do straight porn. The aforementioned George Payne was a gaylord, as well as the rather famous and prolific Wade Nichols. I guess some gay dudes are just hypersexual, which lends itself to being able to get hard and stay hard under the pressures of filmmaking, so they were ideal for straight fucking too. Anywayz, I digress...
This is the wildest of Zebedy Colt's directorial efforts, about a trio of psychos terrorising a country bumpkin family. A forced daughter-on-father blowjob being perhaps the standout scene. I sure wish I had a daughter... Zebedy's debut Unwilling Lovers (1975) is also fun, with plenty of goofy retard sex. And his scene in the otherwise straight porno The Story of Joanna (1975) where he blows Jamie Gillis is deservedly famous.

9. In the Heat of the Holes (1985): Genuinely psychotic Brazilian porn from a nutjob named Sady Baby. Cast almost entirely with real-life junkies, whores and homeless bums, this is as grimy as it gets. Sady later got in a bit of trouble for casting his own underage daughter in one of his movies called The Director's Daughter. After years of being on the run and suspected dead, he was captured by police and is currently in prison. He's also married to a woman that he started fucking when she was 13. What a guy!

10. Domination Blue (1976): Women-in-prison porn! Fuck yes!! This has one of the first roles for the totally awesome Sharon Mitchell. Her scene where she's tagteamed by 2 dudes in a public lavatory for a heroin fix was remarkably prescient of a scenario she was arrested for years later. Also pretty cool is director Joe Davian's use of stolen Pink Floyd music. Who doesn't like watching people fuck to some Floyd?? Cunts, that's who. Davian has some other good stuff too. Appointment with Agony (1976) is almost like a porno version of LHOTL, only with more rape and less revenge. By which I mean the whole thing is rape and there's absolutely no revenge whatsoever.


I may add some more later, if I can think of any.