Jun 2019
The X-Men series has always been hit or miss. The first two films were pre-MCU hits that launched a few careers. Even if some of these movies suck... and they do it hard... Hugh Jackman was always bad-ass as Wolverine. The series finally started getting its shit together around 2014 with the epic "Days of Future Past", a mix between the old and failed X-verse with the new and popular First-Class-verse, and it worked. Exceedingly well.
Fox was finally learning from their mistakes, especially with Deadpool and it's hard-R rating. Of course, we were quickly followed by the underwhelming X-Men: Apocalypse, then the ultra awesome Logan, then the shitty Deadpool 2, then the trough of the shit-wave... X-MEN: DARK PHOENIX!
Notice how when Endgame came out, the whole world was in upheaval. The damn movie made a billion in its opening weekend, because it had a LOT of material to cover, a lot of characters to do right by, and a damn good story to tell in the meantime.
When Dark Phoenix came out... there was none of that. Nobody cared about this movie, like... ever. Even after the trailers, there was no hype. There's no good X-Men story to tell after Apocalypse. They should have left it as a trilogy. X1, X2, and X3... Origins Wolverine, The Wolverine, Logan... and First Class, Future Past, and Apocalypse. Even if Apocalypse was a subpar finale, it was still better than this turkey.
So if you haven't already guessed it, the timeline for X-Men is FUCKED. The continuity is riddled with errors, and this new movie just adds to them. I understand that the gimmick was to make the series range from 1962, 1974, 1983, 1992 (about every 10 years), but the 90s? Who needs 'em! Sure, that's when the X-Men was at its peak, what with the 90s animated series and all, but the actors haven't aged at all to make that little bit believable...
One thing that pisses me off is Jennifer Lawrence. Now, I've never liked this bitch, but when she started talking smack about the X-Men movies and how she didn't want to be in them anymore, I started to hate her even more. She just so happened to be in one of the WORST movies I have EVER seen (mother!), and she dares complain about X-Men? Now, the character of Mystique was always supposed to be partly evil, but in our Dark Phoenix movie, she's portrayed as a "good" X-woman, finally. They try to give her character a backbone, but it seems totally forced, and I'm glad as fuck whenJean fucking kills that stupid ho her death meant NOTHING to me.
So anyway, this is Jean Grey's movie, and she's a pretty boring character, if I say so myself. She's ultra powerful as it is, but on a routine space mission to save the lives of some inept astronauts in the midst of a "solar flare", shit happens, and she's consumed by the "phoenix". Then, she gets overwhelmed by "the voices" of her parent's deceased animosity toward her, and shit figures it'll be good to turn completely evil. Then, we have Jessica Chastain as a completely generic and not even attractive supervillain to combat her.
God, even thinking about this movie, my brain turns to shit. There's no good story here, and there's nothing left to say in the X-Men universe. Fuck this movie, and fuck everyone involved in it... Except Michael Fassbender, who still puts forth a great effort, despite knowing in the back of his mind that this movie will be absolute shit. What a sour way to end a once great (albeit rocky) franchise.
X-Men's Dark Phoenix can suck my nuts. The real X-Men movies ended with "Logan" in 2017. Now, we can only hope that the MCU will breathe life into this dead franchise again, because it definitely deserves better than this.
Fox was finally learning from their mistakes, especially with Deadpool and it's hard-R rating. Of course, we were quickly followed by the underwhelming X-Men: Apocalypse, then the ultra awesome Logan, then the shitty Deadpool 2, then the trough of the shit-wave... X-MEN: DARK PHOENIX!
Notice how when Endgame came out, the whole world was in upheaval. The damn movie made a billion in its opening weekend, because it had a LOT of material to cover, a lot of characters to do right by, and a damn good story to tell in the meantime.
When Dark Phoenix came out... there was none of that. Nobody cared about this movie, like... ever. Even after the trailers, there was no hype. There's no good X-Men story to tell after Apocalypse. They should have left it as a trilogy. X1, X2, and X3... Origins Wolverine, The Wolverine, Logan... and First Class, Future Past, and Apocalypse. Even if Apocalypse was a subpar finale, it was still better than this turkey.
So if you haven't already guessed it, the timeline for X-Men is FUCKED. The continuity is riddled with errors, and this new movie just adds to them. I understand that the gimmick was to make the series range from 1962, 1974, 1983, 1992 (about every 10 years), but the 90s? Who needs 'em! Sure, that's when the X-Men was at its peak, what with the 90s animated series and all, but the actors haven't aged at all to make that little bit believable...
One thing that pisses me off is Jennifer Lawrence. Now, I've never liked this bitch, but when she started talking smack about the X-Men movies and how she didn't want to be in them anymore, I started to hate her even more. She just so happened to be in one of the WORST movies I have EVER seen (mother!), and she dares complain about X-Men? Now, the character of Mystique was always supposed to be partly evil, but in our Dark Phoenix movie, she's portrayed as a "good" X-woman, finally. They try to give her character a backbone, but it seems totally forced, and I'm glad as fuck when
So anyway, this is Jean Grey's movie, and she's a pretty boring character, if I say so myself. She's ultra powerful as it is, but on a routine space mission to save the lives of some inept astronauts in the midst of a "solar flare", shit happens, and she's consumed by the "phoenix". Then, she gets overwhelmed by "the voices" of her parent's deceased animosity toward her, and shit figures it'll be good to turn completely evil. Then, we have Jessica Chastain as a completely generic and not even attractive supervillain to combat her.
God, even thinking about this movie, my brain turns to shit. There's no good story here, and there's nothing left to say in the X-Men universe. Fuck this movie, and fuck everyone involved in it... Except Michael Fassbender, who still puts forth a great effort, despite knowing in the back of his mind that this movie will be absolute shit. What a sour way to end a once great (albeit rocky) franchise.
X-Men's Dark Phoenix can suck my nuts. The real X-Men movies ended with "Logan" in 2017. Now, we can only hope that the MCU will breathe life into this dead franchise again, because it definitely deserves better than this.
