Jun '14
It's common knowledge that Halloween: Resurrection is worthless. The seventh installment of the Halloween franchise ended beautifully, coming full circle, and saying all there was to say about Halloween, and the character of Michael Myers. An unnecessary sequel was shat out, tainting the validity of a series that had just received proper closure, and demeaned its antagonist, it's protagonist, and the franchise as a whole. It could never be the same, and ultimately became the unwanted epilogue to a series which once had standards.
In a terribly conceived twist to undo the "mistake" of killing off Michael Myers, a paramedic arrives excessively early, to seemingly repair the gate enough to enter the grounds, and checks the pulse of a man with a half dozen stab wounds. Oddly enough, Michael approves of his fashions, only after deciding the man should STFU forever by crushing the man's larynx, and strips this paramedic's attire, as well as his own, re-dresses both himself and the paremedic, and casually leaves Laurie alone for the rest of the night... all of which happens before Laurie can scale down a single flight of stairs.
Furthermore, the paramedics who arrive at the scene at a normal pace don't even unmask the man they so incompetently declare "dead", zip him up, and send on his way. Is this some unfriendly commentary about paramedics from Summer Glen, California? That they break into private schools, loiter in the hopes of catching a victim of foul play, and fail to resuscitate living patients? Ouch. Wouldn't wanna get hurt in Summer Glen, California. Then you'd be as good as dead.
The mass hysteria experienced acrossed the world known as "Halloween: Resurrection" has a premise that most people who acknowledge said hysteria seem to agree upon. These delusionists believe that they had actually witnessed Laurie Strode decapitate said soliciting paramedic, and that it had in turn caused her to bail out of both her life, and the franchise. Is she at fault? No, for if blatant evidence arguing a case can be rectonned in said "reality", then one's sanity and validity can also be retconned, and this isn't a world she wanted to live in anymore.
I remember reading the rumors before H8 came out, trying to explain that H20's killer was a copycat. Of course, that makes no sense, but just try to hearken back to the fact that Halloween 6 does exist. There's an entire disregarded continuity that could explain that a copycat killer is reasonable, given that Michael was afflicted with the curse of Thorn, and had an entire cult of psychos aiding his efforts for some convoluted reason or another.
H6 was essentially giving motivation for Michael Myers to pass on his curse, but he first needed to wipe out his bloodline. In comes the rage he felt in H5 when he realized that something was amiss, and killing his nephew/son wouldn't change anything. Perhaps he sensed that his bloodline continued despite his efforts, and his actions would be in vain regardless of his efforts? That his sister wasn't truly dead? Or perhaps you're not even acknowledging H4-H6 at all? In either scenario, a copycat killer would've been more logical than the explanation we got, despite how lazy and unmotivated the twist would inherently be.
After being defeated by Corey Feldman, Jason realized he needed to get his shit together and turn into a full-blown zombie in order to continue killing people. Similarly to the Gemini killer, it took him a while to get his chosen body working again, only it didn't take him 15 years, but merely just one movie, in which he only appears as a delusion. Friday the 13th Part 5 was in fact the filler sequel Jason used to hibernate with, calling up an inept copycat killer to do his bidding.
Who was the killer in F13 part 5? Well, Roy of course! The paramedic out to avenge the death of his fat, greasy retard of a son who was murdered by an irritable axe-wielding lumberjack, who ironically is one of the only people who doesn't die in the film, proving that Roy clearly didn't have a firm grasp on what he was doing, nor why he was doing it. So we'll assume as with most serial killers, he simply has a few screws loose, since his motive doesn't pertain to his victims, which makes him a pretty lousy killer, enough that he dies at the end of the film and remains overshadowed by Jason, the better killer.
With a similarly unrelated motive, Roy's cousin "Leroy" sets out to avenge his death, targeting further irrelevant victims... such as Laurie Strode and her entourage.
Preposterous. This is simply mashing two franchises together for argument's sake, isn't it? Absolutely, and sadly, the concept alone remains better than anything in H8. After all, Roy was a paramedic, so what's to say that with all these incompetent paramedics running around, cousin Leroy and his abundance of mental instability couldn't get a job as a Summer Glen paramedic? The openings in Crystal Lake must have been filled before ol' Leroy could get a chance to apply, so in his anger, he donned the mask of reputable and popular slasher (much like Roy did) and went from Haddonfield or wherever (basically, just a lot closer to Crystal Lake) all the way to California. After all, we already had Ben Tramer wear the same mask in H2, three different dopes wear the mask in H4, the obnoxious twat Spitz wear the mask in H5, and even fan-favorite Freddie Harris wear the mask in H8, so it must be a common mask, right? Little did Leroy know that he faced an uncommon adversary...
Yes, just like Roy coincidentally quarrelled with someone who had a run-in with a legit serial killer, so did Leroy, targeting Keri Tate, or Laurie Strode unbeknownst to him, who ultimately got the heads up on him. With such a terrible motive behind his method of operations, who does this leave in custody for Laurie's demise in the institution?
Well, if Roy targeted random people for the death of his boy, and Leroy targeted random people for the death of Roy-Roy, then it's only natural that a third cousin be revealed: Marvin. Being that his name doesn't rhyme with "oye", he expresses a natural ability of avoiding the prior tropes of his predecessors (namely dying), and somehow manages to successfully enact his revenge, where he then retreats to the evidence locker of Crystal Lake, 1987, stealing the deceased Joey's neglected candy bar from the evidence locker where it's left to rot for years to come, and savors his reward for a joke well played, albeit one without hook, punchline, and it's definitely not a sinker, because nobody could possibly piece this plot together without realizing the simple fact that the infestation of lifeless drones cannot continue if we don't send more paramedics.
The Endless Stairway
In a terribly conceived twist to undo the "mistake" of killing off Michael Myers, a paramedic arrives excessively early, to seemingly repair the gate enough to enter the grounds, and checks the pulse of a man with a half dozen stab wounds. Oddly enough, Michael approves of his fashions, only after deciding the man should STFU forever by crushing the man's larynx, and strips this paramedic's attire, as well as his own, re-dresses both himself and the paremedic, and casually leaves Laurie alone for the rest of the night... all of which happens before Laurie can scale down a single flight of stairs.
Furthermore, the paramedics who arrive at the scene at a normal pace don't even unmask the man they so incompetently declare "dead", zip him up, and send on his way. Is this some unfriendly commentary about paramedics from Summer Glen, California? That they break into private schools, loiter in the hopes of catching a victim of foul play, and fail to resuscitate living patients? Ouch. Wouldn't wanna get hurt in Summer Glen, California. Then you'd be as good as dead.
Summer Glen, or Santa Mira?
The mass hysteria experienced acrossed the world known as "Halloween: Resurrection" has a premise that most people who acknowledge said hysteria seem to agree upon. These delusionists believe that they had actually witnessed Laurie Strode decapitate said soliciting paramedic, and that it had in turn caused her to bail out of both her life, and the franchise. Is she at fault? No, for if blatant evidence arguing a case can be rectonned in said "reality", then one's sanity and validity can also be retconned, and this isn't a world she wanted to live in anymore.
I remember reading the rumors before H8 came out, trying to explain that H20's killer was a copycat. Of course, that makes no sense, but just try to hearken back to the fact that Halloween 6 does exist. There's an entire disregarded continuity that could explain that a copycat killer is reasonable, given that Michael was afflicted with the curse of Thorn, and had an entire cult of psychos aiding his efforts for some convoluted reason or another.
H6 was essentially giving motivation for Michael Myers to pass on his curse, but he first needed to wipe out his bloodline. In comes the rage he felt in H5 when he realized that something was amiss, and killing his nephew/son wouldn't change anything. Perhaps he sensed that his bloodline continued despite his efforts, and his actions would be in vain regardless of his efforts? That his sister wasn't truly dead? Or perhaps you're not even acknowledging H4-H6 at all? In either scenario, a copycat killer would've been more logical than the explanation we got, despite how lazy and unmotivated the twist would inherently be.
October Fools Day the 31st, Part 7ÂŊ: A New Beginning
After being defeated by Corey Feldman, Jason realized he needed to get his shit together and turn into a full-blown zombie in order to continue killing people. Similarly to the Gemini killer, it took him a while to get his chosen body working again, only it didn't take him 15 years, but merely just one movie, in which he only appears as a delusion. Friday the 13th Part 5 was in fact the filler sequel Jason used to hibernate with, calling up an inept copycat killer to do his bidding.
Who was the killer in F13 part 5? Well, Roy of course! The paramedic out to avenge the death of his fat, greasy retard of a son who was murdered by an irritable axe-wielding lumberjack, who ironically is one of the only people who doesn't die in the film, proving that Roy clearly didn't have a firm grasp on what he was doing, nor why he was doing it. So we'll assume as with most serial killers, he simply has a few screws loose, since his motive doesn't pertain to his victims, which makes him a pretty lousy killer, enough that he dies at the end of the film and remains overshadowed by Jason, the better killer.Leroy did it!
With a similarly unrelated motive, Roy's cousin "Leroy" sets out to avenge his death, targeting further irrelevant victims... such as Laurie Strode and her entourage.
Preposterous. This is simply mashing two franchises together for argument's sake, isn't it? Absolutely, and sadly, the concept alone remains better than anything in H8. After all, Roy was a paramedic, so what's to say that with all these incompetent paramedics running around, cousin Leroy and his abundance of mental instability couldn't get a job as a Summer Glen paramedic? The openings in Crystal Lake must have been filled before ol' Leroy could get a chance to apply, so in his anger, he donned the mask of reputable and popular slasher (much like Roy did) and went from Haddonfield or wherever (basically, just a lot closer to Crystal Lake) all the way to California. After all, we already had Ben Tramer wear the same mask in H2, three different dopes wear the mask in H4, the obnoxious twat Spitz wear the mask in H5, and even fan-favorite Freddie Harris wear the mask in H8, so it must be a common mask, right? Little did Leroy know that he faced an uncommon adversary...Marvin did it, too!
Yes, just like Roy coincidentally quarrelled with someone who had a run-in with a legit serial killer, so did Leroy, targeting Keri Tate, or Laurie Strode unbeknownst to him, who ultimately got the heads up on him. With such a terrible motive behind his method of operations, who does this leave in custody for Laurie's demise in the institution?Well, if Roy targeted random people for the death of his boy, and Leroy targeted random people for the death of Roy-Roy, then it's only natural that a third cousin be revealed: Marvin. Being that his name doesn't rhyme with "oye", he expresses a natural ability of avoiding the prior tropes of his predecessors (namely dying), and somehow manages to successfully enact his revenge, where he then retreats to the evidence locker of Crystal Lake, 1987, stealing the deceased Joey's neglected candy bar from the evidence locker where it's left to rot for years to come, and savors his reward for a joke well played, albeit one without hook, punchline, and it's definitely not a sinker, because nobody could possibly piece this plot together without realizing the simple fact that the infestation of lifeless drones cannot continue if we don't send more paramedics.
