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Apr 21
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In the 80s and 90s, there was an emergence of kid-friendly martial arts movies and video games that made every kid want to be a ninja. Karate Kid, Big Trouble in Little China, Showdown in Little Tokyo, Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, 3 Ninjas, you name it. Here is another one based on a video game, turned into a super cheesy action/adventure romp about two brothers in a gang-ridden "New Angeles" trying to stop a typical over-the-top mogul from taking over the city.

image Our two leads are Scott Wolf (Billy) and Mark Dacascos (Jimmy), orphan teens living in the dystopian post-earthquake island formerly known as Los Angeles in the year 2007. Similar concept to Escape from LA which was set in 2013, isn't it? So Billy & Jimmy are tasked to protect a magical amulet and keep it out of the hands of the generic villain, because that's an easy enough plot for anyone to follow.

image Robert Patrick (Koga) is our smug, bleach-blond villain. He can turn into a somewhat fluid shadow form and imitate others. I bet he's never played a role like that before, am I right?

Alyssa Milano (Marian) is here also, playing a punky gang leader working to keep the streets safe from the various lunatics and henchmen under the employ of our douchebag villain. Suffice to say, both of our lead protagonists like to gawk at her ass, because she's looking pretty fine in this movie. I'd like to watch the extended ending where the double dragons double team her, but that footage has yet to be recovered.

image Yeah, it's a total cheesefest, but as a kid, I'm sure I would have loved it. Hell, even as an adult, I found it's retro-futuristic LA ninja-punk vibes to be surprisingly fun either way. And to make this movie legit, it features Al Leong as... you guessed it... a fucking henchman!

I give it 1 out of 2 half-medallions.



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Tommix says:
#1

Apr 21 *
Hmmmm... you make this sound better than it looks at first glance. I might have to check it out. I liked Mark Dacascos a lot in whichever John Wick movie he was in.... JW3, I think. He was also good in Brotherhood of the Wolf, a very hard-to-classify French movie that is hard to say too much about for various reasons.

Alyssa Milano was a total babe in Embrace of the Vampire (1995), which she did around the same time as Double Dragon. Forgive me for a.) voluntarily seeing a movie with that name, and b.) thinking Alyssa is hot. It just feels wrong to see her as sexy after I've seen her as a little girl in Commando, an unknown but certainly pretty high number of times.

I think I actually might have owned that (Embrace) on VHS... I probably bought it because she looked pretty on the box cover.

By the way, in the movie, does anything like THIS happen to Scott Wolf and Mark D? I certainly hope not (insert muffled sinister laugh here).


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Box_a_Hair says:
#2, Reply to #1

Apr 21
Alyssa may be playing a teen in this movie, but she was 22 at the time, so it's perfectly fine thinking she is hot.


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Tommix says:
#3, Reply to #2

Apr 21
Can't argue with that.

I tried to post this link, at the bottom of my last post, but something went wrong. Just when I thought I had all that stuff figured out. youtube


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#5, Reply to #1

Apr 22
Brotherhood of the Wolf rules and everyone that was born in the 70s worshipped Milano while growing up. Fapped it til in was sore back then along with Christina Applegate!


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Tommix says:
#6, Reply to #5

Apr 22
Christina Applegate looked a little too much like my sister for me to, um, appreciate her in THAT WAY. I think I lost out a bit on 90s babes, for that reason. Just a BIT, because there were plenty of other insanely hot women around in pop culture. But yeah, my sister looked like a hybrid of Christina Applegate and Jennifer Aniston, in the 90s, so that affected my ability to appreciate either of them.


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Znep27 says:
#7, Reply to #6

Apr 22
So...is your sister single?


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Tommix says:
#8, Reply to #7

Apr 22
'Fraid not. Jeez I really set myself up for... um... a certain type of reaction... there. Oops.


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zed says:
#9, Reply to #6

Apr 23
Join the club.
I could never see the attraction of either Christina Applegate or Jennifer Aniston


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#10, Reply to #9

Apr 23
That's cause you're half a fag and I'm the 1 who wants to fnck Timothee Chamalet into oblivion?!


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zed says:
#12, Reply to #10

Apr 23
britney spears is another one from the time period.
I'm guessing ppls tastes change due to 'hype' around the actress. So they appear to a lot of ppl as more actractive than they actually are


Note I'm not saying they're ugly but they certainly are not in the creme de le creme


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#13, Reply to #12

Apr 23
Dude, it's obvious you prefer the dishy Eastern European type and honestly I can't argue with you...nuff said!


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Znep27 says:
#14, Reply to #13

Apr 24
I've seen Zeddie's taste in women. He likes 'em skin n' bones. I've always assumed guys like that were secretly playing for the other team. But to each their own.


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zed says:
#15, Reply to #14

Apr 24
I'm not talking about the body I'm talking about the face.
The thing is a lot of these people 99% of the time you see them with full makeup on posed etc
Here is cristina in her prime, better than average but I'm sure theres 100s of thousands of better looking women in the USA at the time

image


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#16, Reply to #14

Apr 24
I can't lie, I like em on the petite side too but I've never weighed over 145 pounds in my life in my defense....but I also wanna wreck Timothee so perhaps there's logic in your theory there?!


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zed says:
#17, Reply to #16

Apr 24
145 pounds = 65kg! Even with near zero fat I weigh 75kg.
I can't even picture myself 65kg, how the fuck would I lose another 15% of my body weight, Cut off my Dick?


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Box_a_Hair says:
#18, Reply to #17

Apr 24
Yeah, and with as much as Vince drinks, he really ought to weigh a normal amount. Maybe he's short as fuck? Ain't no way he's raping anybody.


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#21, Reply to #18

Apr 25 *
My 140 pound ass will out drink the lot of youse! I'm 5'9 and given the chance I'd manhandle a Timothee Chalemet!...such a cutie!


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Box_a_Hair says:
#23, Reply to #21

Apr 25
You'd definitely outdrink me. I'm done after zero drinks these days. I'm sure you could annihilate Timothee's asshole. He's a twink himself. He still has absolutely nothing to do with Double Dragon though.


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#24, Reply to #23

Apr 25
I know I saw the movie back then but don't really remember it. I remember playing the coin-op video game as a teen more.


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Box_a_Hair says:
#25, Reply to #24

Apr 25
I'm sure I played the game at least once. Good ol' beat 'em up arcade games...




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