Remember that thread I did about all the alleged sequels to 1989 Canuxploitation masterpiece known as THINGS? Well this is one of them, and no, it's not the 5th sequel. This here is part 8, because continuity is but a mere mental construct. Naturally, this movie wont have anything to do with OG Things movie, and probably nothing in common with the other no-brainer half-assed pieces of shit they think they can pass off as a Things sequel these days.

So this movie starts out for a morning run. This woman has a constricting sports bra on, but don't be fooled. She's blatantly flat-chested, and yet this scene lingers for so long. Then she gets home and loads up on carbs, eating a pizza that appears to have been sitting out for some amount of time. Then she chats on the phone for a while and decides to take a shower. This goes on for a while, because pacing doesn't mean anything to some directors. Eventually, she gets out of the shower and is murdered by a mutated monster in a lab coat for some reason, and the effect is as confusing as it is inadequate.

There was no reason to follow this character for as long as we did. The director must have been in love with her. What follows is a bunch of fat women laying topless in bed talking on the phone about stuff. Meanwhile, that monster/scientist is running around and fuck me... I just watched this fucker today and I feel like my brain is doing me a favor by repressing the memory.

Also, this movie isn't poorly filmed and shot on VHS and grainy and dubbed hard to make out what's happening on the screen and it doesn't have weird mind-boggling music. If you're not gonna go the extra effort to be extra shitty, then what's the point?

This movie can go to hell. I wish I never experienced Things 5.