May 2023
I did this for the first two seasons. Then I started on season 3, but lost all my mini-reviews when my computer crapped out. Years later, I found a backup of some of them, so I finally finished this fucking season.
s3e01 - The Circus - directed by Michael Gornick
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716981/
This was an okay start to the season, featuring the weird and creepy William Hickey as a circus owner who had a bizarre assortment of cliche monsters. A reporter goes to the circus to get a feel for what's going on there, and he doesn't believe it at first, but it quickly becomes too obvious that it's legitimate monsters going on. I'm talking vampires, werewolves, and Frankenstein monster shit. The end is slightly amusing, even if it is completely expected.
s3e02 - I Can't Help Saying Goodbye - directed by John Strysik
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716949/
A little suburban girl suddenly and sadly says goodbye to her mother before leaving her in the kitchen, and she dies. This girl says it and she means it! It's an okay episode, but it plays out as you would expect.
s3e03 - The Bitterest Pill - directed by Bryan Michael Stroller
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716979/
An annoying and erratic salesman bothers an irritable dad and a pushover mother about a pill that increases your brain capacity. Dad thinks this guy is full of shit and gets rid of him, leaving a mess of pills that the son has to clean up. However, being a dumb-ass kid means that a pill = candy, and he tries it, and the result is just as the salesman said it would be, but a bit too abrupt for a 30-minute story that spends most of the time dealing with the salesman trying to convince them of the merits.
s3e04 - Florence Bravo - directed by John Lewis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716943/
After a troubled history of cheating and mental instability, a couple buys a new house to start over. Lori Cardille from Day of the Dead plays the wife, and she's beginning to hear voices from the previous tenant who murdered her no-good cheating husband. Is history about to repeat itself? This is the darkside. What do you think? It's nothing new, but it's a pretty good episode either way.
s3e05 - The Geezenstacks - directed by Bill Travis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716988/
A girl gets a new dollhouse under mysterious circumstances. Dad (Craig Wasson from Dream Warriors and Body Double) is the only one who seems to pick up on the eerie coincidences about the dolls and the real family. A paranoia episode that ends up being justifiably so.
s3e06 - Black Widows - directed by Karl Epstein
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716932/
A reclusive mother with a bizarre appreciation for spiders laments her daughter's new fiance. She doesn't want to lose her daughter, even if it's to a decent man, but the spider meanings take on a whole new meaning in this episode. Pretty amusing episode.
s3e07 - Heretic - directed by Jerry Smith! aka Gerald Cotts
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716947/
This was a good one about a greedy art dealer who receives a rare painting about religious punishment. This is also a karma story about walking in the shoes of those you step on, and it never ends well in the dark side. Featuring Roberts Blossom as the inquisitor who demands confessions while his lackeys inflict punishment.
s3e08 - A Serpent's Tooth - directed by Frank De Palma
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716922/
A mother finds the means of making her children actually listen to her for a change. An enjoyable cautionary tale on the errors of frivolous wishing.
s3e09 - Baker's Dozen - directed by John Harrison
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716927/
A con-man extorts a voodoo baker lady. She gives him the recipe all right... one he plans to take advantage of in ways you can't imagine! But what is a baker's dozen? There's the twist! Romero wrote the teleplay for this one, and it's got some great moments in it.
s3e10 - Deliver Us from Goodness - directed by Warner Shook
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716934/
A woman is too saintly for her own good, and it simply will not do! She can't be a saint! I suppose it's time to commit some sins to counteract this supreme goodness! Another great episode from the great Warner Shook! His episodes are real standouts.
s3e11 - Seasons of Belief - directed by Michael McDowell
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716972/
This is a Christmas story, and it's strange. Not so much because of the narrative, but rather the fact that old E.G. Marshall played the husband of a woman nearly 40 years younger than himself, and nobody said a thing about the age difference!
When you get beyond that, it's actually a pretty good episode with an abruptly dumb and seriously wtf ending about traumatizing little children for life. A highlight.
s3e12 - Miss May Dusa - directed by Richard Blackburn
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716960/
A blind sax player in the subway meets a lady he's not allowed to look at. I was a little slow at figuring out what the hell the name meant, but it played out interesting enough.
s3e13 - The Milkman Cometh - directed by John Strysik
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716992/
Robert Forster! This one is basically about getting wishes from a mystical milk man/monster thing, and you know how any story with wishes goes. Typically, there's a twist and things don't come out with the desired effect. Damn milkmen, cumming all over the place...
s3e14 - My Ghostwriter - The Vampire - directed by Frank De Palma
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716963/
I remember catching bits of this on tv and not knowing wtf it was until the end credits when I saw Romero's name as exec producer. Ah, the good old days when you could work cliche vampires into a tv episode and it didn't seem dated. In fact, it works just fine here, where a guy blackmails a vampire for good stories, but what do you think happens when you mess with a vampire? Nothing good, that's what!
s3e15 - My Own Place - directed by Theodore Gershuny
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716964/
A guy in the city gets a great deal on an apartment... only there's this obnoxiously tranquil Indian dude who wont fuck off. I can sympathize with the guy for going insane because of him. Then it turns into some social commentary about third-world poverty or some shit...
s3e16 - Red Leader - directed by John Harrison
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716970/
The devil tries to recruit a business man who believes he isn't all that bad. What I remember most about this episode is how the "red leader" looked like such a fucking asshole. Good job to the casting department and the makeup guys for making me hate this guy with just a glance!
s3e17 - Everybody Needs a Little Love - directed by John Harrison
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716940/
Two noir-esque businessmen share a mannequin and it becomes this weird lifestyle with jealousy over an inanimate object. Is she a metaphor for an actual woman, or what?
s3e18 - Auld Acquaintances - directed by Richard Friedman
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716926/
Two bickering old witches nag each other about some powerful artifact.
s3e19 - The Social Climber - directed by Armand Mastroianni
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716999/
This one has something to do with haunted shoes. At this point, they may be losing a little bit of steam with these bogus stories. It's not the worst, but it still is a story about shoes.
s3e20 - The Swap - directed by John Drury
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0717001/
A woman has an agreement to be with an ugly old voodoo creep for his money when he dies, so the woman and her real boy-toy plot to kill the man. There's a swap in there somewhere with the old idea of be careful what you wish for.
s3e21 - Let the Games Begin - directed by John Lewis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716955/
Two entities battle for the soul of some normal jerk and get carried away with each other. Basically a joke of an episode.
s3e22 - The Enormous Radio - directed by Bill Travis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716985/
A woman gets an "enormous radio" delivered to her place. Obviously, the thing drives her insane. This seems like a pretty redundant plot device, doesn't it? Some haunted item haunts some nobody.
When you have seasons of 22 or more episodes, you know you're getting some filler in there somewhere. Overall, it's a hit-or-miss season, but it's still a great age for horror. Horror anthologies are great, and I'm glad we had a resurgence in Creepshow (another team-Romero series). Black Mirror is coming back too, if anyone wants an interesting sci-fi anthology.
s3e01 - The Circus - directed by Michael Gornick
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716981/
This was an okay start to the season, featuring the weird and creepy William Hickey as a circus owner who had a bizarre assortment of cliche monsters. A reporter goes to the circus to get a feel for what's going on there, and he doesn't believe it at first, but it quickly becomes too obvious that it's legitimate monsters going on. I'm talking vampires, werewolves, and Frankenstein monster shit. The end is slightly amusing, even if it is completely expected.
s3e02 - I Can't Help Saying Goodbye - directed by John Strysik
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716949/
A little suburban girl suddenly and sadly says goodbye to her mother before leaving her in the kitchen, and she dies. This girl says it and she means it! It's an okay episode, but it plays out as you would expect.
s3e03 - The Bitterest Pill - directed by Bryan Michael Stroller
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716979/
An annoying and erratic salesman bothers an irritable dad and a pushover mother about a pill that increases your brain capacity. Dad thinks this guy is full of shit and gets rid of him, leaving a mess of pills that the son has to clean up. However, being a dumb-ass kid means that a pill = candy, and he tries it, and the result is just as the salesman said it would be, but a bit too abrupt for a 30-minute story that spends most of the time dealing with the salesman trying to convince them of the merits.
s3e04 - Florence Bravo - directed by John Lewis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716943/
After a troubled history of cheating and mental instability, a couple buys a new house to start over. Lori Cardille from Day of the Dead plays the wife, and she's beginning to hear voices from the previous tenant who murdered her no-good cheating husband. Is history about to repeat itself? This is the darkside. What do you think? It's nothing new, but it's a pretty good episode either way.
s3e05 - The Geezenstacks - directed by Bill Travis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716988/
A girl gets a new dollhouse under mysterious circumstances. Dad (Craig Wasson from Dream Warriors and Body Double) is the only one who seems to pick up on the eerie coincidences about the dolls and the real family. A paranoia episode that ends up being justifiably so.
s3e06 - Black Widows - directed by Karl Epstein
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716932/
A reclusive mother with a bizarre appreciation for spiders laments her daughter's new fiance. She doesn't want to lose her daughter, even if it's to a decent man, but the spider meanings take on a whole new meaning in this episode. Pretty amusing episode.
s3e07 - Heretic - directed by Jerry Smith! aka Gerald Cotts
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716947/
This was a good one about a greedy art dealer who receives a rare painting about religious punishment. This is also a karma story about walking in the shoes of those you step on, and it never ends well in the dark side. Featuring Roberts Blossom as the inquisitor who demands confessions while his lackeys inflict punishment.
s3e08 - A Serpent's Tooth - directed by Frank De Palma
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716922/
A mother finds the means of making her children actually listen to her for a change. An enjoyable cautionary tale on the errors of frivolous wishing.
s3e09 - Baker's Dozen - directed by John Harrison
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716927/
A con-man extorts a voodoo baker lady. She gives him the recipe all right... one he plans to take advantage of in ways you can't imagine! But what is a baker's dozen? There's the twist! Romero wrote the teleplay for this one, and it's got some great moments in it.
s3e10 - Deliver Us from Goodness - directed by Warner Shook
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716934/
A woman is too saintly for her own good, and it simply will not do! She can't be a saint! I suppose it's time to commit some sins to counteract this supreme goodness! Another great episode from the great Warner Shook! His episodes are real standouts.
s3e11 - Seasons of Belief - directed by Michael McDowell
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716972/
This is a Christmas story, and it's strange. Not so much because of the narrative, but rather the fact that old E.G. Marshall played the husband of a woman nearly 40 years younger than himself, and nobody said a thing about the age difference!
When you get beyond that, it's actually a pretty good episode with an abruptly dumb and seriously wtf ending about traumatizing little children for life. A highlight.
s3e12 - Miss May Dusa - directed by Richard Blackburn
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716960/
A blind sax player in the subway meets a lady he's not allowed to look at. I was a little slow at figuring out what the hell the name meant, but it played out interesting enough.
s3e13 - The Milkman Cometh - directed by John Strysik
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716992/
Robert Forster! This one is basically about getting wishes from a mystical milk man/monster thing, and you know how any story with wishes goes. Typically, there's a twist and things don't come out with the desired effect. Damn milkmen, cumming all over the place...
s3e14 - My Ghostwriter - The Vampire - directed by Frank De Palma
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716963/
I remember catching bits of this on tv and not knowing wtf it was until the end credits when I saw Romero's name as exec producer. Ah, the good old days when you could work cliche vampires into a tv episode and it didn't seem dated. In fact, it works just fine here, where a guy blackmails a vampire for good stories, but what do you think happens when you mess with a vampire? Nothing good, that's what!
s3e15 - My Own Place - directed by Theodore Gershuny
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716964/
A guy in the city gets a great deal on an apartment... only there's this obnoxiously tranquil Indian dude who wont fuck off. I can sympathize with the guy for going insane because of him. Then it turns into some social commentary about third-world poverty or some shit...
s3e16 - Red Leader - directed by John Harrison
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716970/
The devil tries to recruit a business man who believes he isn't all that bad. What I remember most about this episode is how the "red leader" looked like such a fucking asshole. Good job to the casting department and the makeup guys for making me hate this guy with just a glance!
s3e17 - Everybody Needs a Little Love - directed by John Harrison
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716940/
Two noir-esque businessmen share a mannequin and it becomes this weird lifestyle with jealousy over an inanimate object. Is she a metaphor for an actual woman, or what?
s3e18 - Auld Acquaintances - directed by Richard Friedman
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716926/
Two bickering old witches nag each other about some powerful artifact.
s3e19 - The Social Climber - directed by Armand Mastroianni
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716999/
This one has something to do with haunted shoes. At this point, they may be losing a little bit of steam with these bogus stories. It's not the worst, but it still is a story about shoes.
s3e20 - The Swap - directed by John Drury
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0717001/
A woman has an agreement to be with an ugly old voodoo creep for his money when he dies, so the woman and her real boy-toy plot to kill the man. There's a swap in there somewhere with the old idea of be careful what you wish for.
s3e21 - Let the Games Begin - directed by John Lewis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716955/
Two entities battle for the soul of some normal jerk and get carried away with each other. Basically a joke of an episode.
s3e22 - The Enormous Radio - directed by Bill Travis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716985/
A woman gets an "enormous radio" delivered to her place. Obviously, the thing drives her insane. This seems like a pretty redundant plot device, doesn't it? Some haunted item haunts some nobody.
When you have seasons of 22 or more episodes, you know you're getting some filler in there somewhere. Overall, it's a hit-or-miss season, but it's still a great age for horror. Horror anthologies are great, and I'm glad we had a resurgence in Creepshow (another team-Romero series). Black Mirror is coming back too, if anyone wants an interesting sci-fi anthology.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Enormous_Radio