God, these movies are awful. It really is sadistic of anyone stupid enough to use these movies for points, and damn it... I'm one of them.

Mark Polonia shits out about 8 movies a year. His budget is probably zilch, but so are the stories, acting, effects, and purpose. I keep thinking to myself, "Why is he still making this garbage?" and the only thing I can think of is an inside joke of sorts. I imagine he lost a bet, or thought it would be funny to make a living off of directing sheer garbage. To him, he probably thinks he's living the dream. A director of various genres and beloved tropes, like slashers... sharks... mockbusters. Sure, these movies sound good on paper, but the result is something completely unsensational. There is nothing worth remembering about any of his movies.

The actors are also terrible. Jeff Kirkendall is a common collaborator used for major roles, and this dude has no charm. He reminds me of Bill from Workaholics, who was noteworthy for being useless and lame. Then, he uses Jamie Morgan a lot, because he needs a female actor in his movies. She can never wipe that stupid smile from her face, and her acting seems like it gets worse with every new movie. Danielle Donahue looks like a bitch, but of course he would have her in his movies. She's the best looking woman he'll find, but she still isn't a good actor. Ken Van Sant isn't great, but I like him on account of his redneck hair. Tim Himmelberger is as wooden as it gets. He does not emote at all, which I guess is funny in theory, but painful in execution. Then of course... Mark Polonia also stars in his movies, making him the writer, director, producer, star, and editor of all these shitshows. He also has no personality. He's like a machine operating on the sole directive of "create shitty movies". He absolutely will not stop. Ever. Until you are dead.

I hate pretty much all of these movies. However, I hated Feeders 3 and Return to Splatter Farm a bit less than the others. I haven't seen the original Camp Blood movies, but if the sequels are anything to go by, than this is a franchise that should not exist. Polonia directed a bunch of these turds, and I my brain already wiped them from my memory. It's a coping mechanism for my sanity. I can't remember anything about his movies, because they're so mundane. At least Chris Seaver movies have fart jokes and don't give a shit, but what do Polonia movies have? Something completely unsensational.

Here's the plot twist though... See, I watch these movies to get inspired by the amateur go-getter attitudes of hungry filmmakers. If they're influenced by the same classics you know and love, it'll show through their work that they have that common interest that you do, and you both share something special in your fandom and love for a movie.

Not Polonia though. He shows no interest in succeeding in any one of the many genres and rip-offs he's done. He makes shark movies, but has he even seen Jaws? My guess would be no, but he heard of it, and decided to make his own version. He makes camp slashers, but do his movies feature any of the tension, gore, and atmosphere as the classics? Or the sequels to the classics? No, he'll never live up to the grandeur of Camp Blood: Part 1!

The point here is that his movies are sooooooo bad, they'll have anyone thinking that they can make a better movie, but the truth is... no, you can't.

Being imaginative is hard. You have to do it on your own time, which is skimpy if you have "adult responsibilities" to manage, so to say that your lazy ass can make a better movie is instantly proven wrong when you say to yourself, "Sure, I can make a better movie, but I wont, because I'm a responsibile adult with other more important things to do."

That's your excuse? Time management? But here Polonia is, shitting out a movie a month just to prove us assholes wrong. His movies are automatically better than our movies, because they actually exist. That's the harsh reality of Mark Polonia. He seems like a nerd you need to steal lunch money from, but he's actually better than us. Fuck that guy.