Nov '22
Are you making a Syfy channel movie, an Asylum movie, a Hallmark channel movie, or something far worse, and you need a leading man? Look no further, for Casper Van Dien is your man! A published poet at 17. People Magazine's "Sexiest Soap Star" of 2000. The 20th Tarzan. An extra in a couple episodes of Saved by the Bell. He has what it takes.
In his 140+ acting credits, he certainly made his fair share of bullshit. He's done movies about bad weather, sharks, dogs, christmas, dogs and christmas, teenage angst, boring political thrillers, boring religious thrillers, and a bunch of rip-offs. From leading man to extra, hero or villain. I like both.
I've exhausted all the free turkeys online, but that still allowed for a lot of trifectas. Despite being in all these shitty movies, I definitely have a newfound appreciation for CVD.
Most know him for Starship Troopers or Sleepy Hollow, but don't judge him by those, for he is not one of those lame Hollywood guys. Some of these turkeys were mildly amusing. Some were so bad that I wont even go into detail about them. My brain completely shut off during some of them and already threw those memories in the trash, but there were a few pleasant surprises beyond the ones I've already rambled on about.
The 2nd (2020) was an okay thriller about Ryan Phillippe having to stop the politically-motivated kidnapping of a teen, and CVD played a hitman in it.
Maiden Voyage (2004) was a rip-off of Under Siege, and it is lame, but not 100% lame.
Kill Shot (1995) was so 90s, it short-circuited my brain.
The Fallen Ones (2005) was a rip-off of the Mummy flicks, only it also had giant mechanical mummies that were humorously steered by Irwin Keyes.
Hollywood Flies (2005) was an amusing thriller about a girl who gets kidnapped by Brad Renfro and Vinnie Jones, with some CVD injected for good measure.
Sleeping Beauty (2014) was actually pretty amusing, being one directed by CVD and starring him only in a minimal capacity, but it had Finn Jones from Iron Fist before he had his 5 minutes, and it played out as a decent fantasy adventure with zombies. Not a bad directorial debut from someone in the B-league.
The highlight of this whole mess was a 4.6 turkey from 2020 called The Warrant. Not because it's so laughably bad, but because it was actually pretty fucking good! Neal McDonough works with the U.S. Marshalls to bring in his old Civil War buddy CVD for war crimes. There's no unique plot points or anything, but it was well made and poignant. Definitely deserves to graduate from turkey to... I don't know what's better... a chicken? Chickens are pretty awesome, right?
Other side notes are that you'll see a few recurring actors in his movies, notably Michael Ironside and Adrienne Barbeau. From now on, if I ever see a title with Casper Van Dien in credits, I'm 50% more likely to watch it. Even if it isn't a turkey.
Are you making a Syfy channel movie, an Asylum movie, a Hallmark channel movie, or something far worse, and you need a leading man? Look no further, for Casper Van Dien is your man! A published poet at 17. People Magazine's "Sexiest Soap Star" of 2000. The 20th Tarzan. An extra in a couple episodes of Saved by the Bell. He has what it takes.In his 140+ acting credits, he certainly made his fair share of bullshit. He's done movies about bad weather, sharks, dogs, christmas, dogs and christmas, teenage angst, boring political thrillers, boring religious thrillers, and a bunch of rip-offs. From leading man to extra, hero or villain. I like both.
I've exhausted all the free turkeys online, but that still allowed for a lot of trifectas. Despite being in all these shitty movies, I definitely have a newfound appreciation for CVD.
Most know him for Starship Troopers or Sleepy Hollow, but don't judge him by those, for he is not one of those lame Hollywood guys. Some of these turkeys were mildly amusing. Some were so bad that I wont even go into detail about them. My brain completely shut off during some of them and already threw those memories in the trash, but there were a few pleasant surprises beyond the ones I've already rambled on about.
The 2nd (2020) was an okay thriller about Ryan Phillippe having to stop the politically-motivated kidnapping of a teen, and CVD played a hitman in it.
Maiden Voyage (2004) was a rip-off of Under Siege, and it is lame, but not 100% lame.
Kill Shot (1995) was so 90s, it short-circuited my brain.
The Fallen Ones (2005) was a rip-off of the Mummy flicks, only it also had giant mechanical mummies that were humorously steered by Irwin Keyes.
Hollywood Flies (2005) was an amusing thriller about a girl who gets kidnapped by Brad Renfro and Vinnie Jones, with some CVD injected for good measure.
Sleeping Beauty (2014) was actually pretty amusing, being one directed by CVD and starring him only in a minimal capacity, but it had Finn Jones from Iron Fist before he had his 5 minutes, and it played out as a decent fantasy adventure with zombies. Not a bad directorial debut from someone in the B-league.
The highlight of this whole mess was a 4.6 turkey from 2020 called The Warrant. Not because it's so laughably bad, but because it was actually pretty fucking good! Neal McDonough works with the U.S. Marshalls to bring in his old Civil War buddy CVD for war crimes. There's no unique plot points or anything, but it was well made and poignant. Definitely deserves to graduate from turkey to... I don't know what's better... a chicken? Chickens are pretty awesome, right?
Other side notes are that you'll see a few recurring actors in his movies, notably Michael Ironside and Adrienne Barbeau. From now on, if I ever see a title with Casper Van Dien in credits, I'm 50% more likely to watch it. Even if it isn't a turkey.
Heres perhaps his best film
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0140883/?ref_=adv_li_tt