Horoscopes
Updated Fri
| â | Aquarius | We all go a little mad sometimes. |
| â | Pisces | If someone tries to be friendly with you today, don't trust them! They're on to something... |
| â | Aries | On your next transaction, overpay by a single penny and tell the cashier to keep the change. Then base your daily outlook on their reaction. |
| â | Taurus | Dear @, This is an automated message. If you ever want to talk, about anything... I have no life. Sincerely, a robot |
| â | Gemini | A big scam is coming your way soon. Just say no. |
| â | Cancer | Be aware of what you wear today. Someone important might judge you because of it. |
| â | Leo | I wouldn't even go outside today if I were you. |
| â | Virgo | You'll have plenty of time to be living in a van down by the river... when you're living in a van down by the river. |
| â | Libra | It's better to have a gun and need it than to not have a gun and not need it. |
| â | Scorpio | Get the gun. You're gonna need it. |
| â | Sagittarius | Don't fuck with Clint Eastwood! |
| â | Capricorn | Remember to look both ways before crossing the street. Somehow, people still die from stupid shit like this. |