In 2017 I've written a lot of reviews for this site. Maybe a bit too many, as I've recently started coming up short for ideas. If only I could write a nice, long review about any given movie on demand. That wouuld be nice. After struggling to come up with ideas for my final review of the year, it occurred to me exactly how many enjoyable first time viewings I've come across this year. More than a few thanks to the great people here at Trash Epics. So, I'm thinking a top ten list of mini-reviews is in order. Today, we're going to take a look back at ten of my cinematic highlights of the year. This isn't necessarily a "top ten best". Mainly what brought me the most enjoyment or made the biggest impression. So, now. Let's talk about 2017.

1. I'll start with the most recent one. Today, I watched a little Christmas Horror on Shudder. A type of Horror I never have high expectations for, but happened to be in the mood for some. Reading the description didn't do much for me. It sounded like a generic, home invasion type deal, and quite a bit of time went by before I learned otherwise, but when the twist happens, it changes everything. Now, I'm not sure if letting you in on it is exactly a spoiler or not, but I figure the less you know about this one the better. About a 12 year old boy who is in love with his babysitter whose parents are about to move away. Tonight, the heartbroken little fella gets one more night with the girl of his dreams before she disappears from his life forever. So, with the help of his best friend/sidekick, the overly prepared Luke plans to make the most of this night. Although his poor friend has no idea how in over their heads they're about to get. Sometimes, it's just best to leave things alone...

Yeah. once this one starts getting good, it doesn't let up. Almost reminiscent of another movie I saw earlier this year called The Babysitter, which almost made this list, for the record. I much preferred this one as it's darker and less predictable, although this one seems to be considered predictable by many. Fair enough. Maybe it is, but I usually live in the moment whilst delving into some sweet, new Horror. Nice Home Alone references, nice ending, too. For some reason, I feel like a movie of this type would have had a similar ending had it been from the 50's or 60's. I can't explain it. It was just cool. So, do yourself a favor and see this! 7/10

2. Next up is a movie that is by no means good. Just a pleasant surprise I happened to come across on Youtube one day. A Biker flick which, as it would turn out, was directed by Brad Grinter. yes, THE Brad Grinter; co-director of one of the all-time great bad movies, Blood Freak. I was, of course, sold on this one immediately. A Florida-shot, Karate-Biker flick, Devil Rider made me feel right at home with an almost identical score as Blood Freak. I guess we now know where it was stolen from. In Devil Rider, we have a sassy little bitch who gets bored with her Karate instructor boyfriend and wanders off with a bunch of no good bikers who are obviously trouble from the beginning. Although not so obvious to her. Kathy wants a little excitement. well, she's getting it. Drugs, (lousy looking) fights, life on the edge. She soon regrets this and realizes how good she had it. The parents are worried and sends a private investigator after her, who ends up tracking down her older sister, which leads to a very out of place sub-plot (aka filler). When the P.I. comes up short, it's up to the Karate square to track Kathy down, leading to a fight to the death, with the same music playing that Herschell and Ann made love to in Blood Freak. No, seriously...

Ok. So, not a good movie, and I could think of many that are more deserving to be on here, but anything that reminds me of Blood Freak; well, enough said, right? I just love these Florida-shot Exploitation films from the 60's and 70's. Herschell Gordon Lewis, Barry Mahon, etc. It certainly was a different time for film making. There really needs to be a documentary which explores these movies and the people who made them. Devil Rider is far from the best of the bunch, and hardly the best Biker flick out there, but if you like both those things, give it a shot, at least to witness Angel from Blood Freak kicking the shit out of somebody. 4/10

3. How 'bout a little Sci-fi? This year, I've seen quite a few new Sci-Fi films. Not exactly new. New to me, I mean. I'm not big on the modern stuff. And by "modern stuff" I mean Star Wars and onward. I'm more about the trips to the Moon/Mars and really bad giant monsters from the 50's and 60's. The really inept stuff that seemed to replace the Horror genre for a short time. Nothing all that special about them. They're just good, mindless fun. However, in 2017, I came across an interesting one from 1962 called The Creation Of The Humanoids. This one really stood out for me as it seems to have far more substance and depth than just about anything I've seen from the era. This is one of those futuristic films with a story which takes place long after wars nearly destroyed society. Nuclear wars wiped out over 90% of the human population while the remaining few eventually put their heads together and found a way to rebuild the world. By using robots as workers, humans have created an even better world than before. These robots are a little too good at their jobs, a little too smart, and even a little too reasonable, at times. Humans are starting to get a little insecure, and some are taking steps to keep these once thought to be inferior robots in check.

"The Order Of Flesh And Blood", they call themselves. They aim to make sure these artificial workers remain just that. Referred to as "clickers", These self-aware machines believe they deserve to be treated as equals, as some human's also share this belief. When an order member discovers his sister in romantically involved with one of these things, he doesn't take it well, and tries to force an end to it, but ultimately learns a thing or two about these clickers, as well as the future of humankind. I can't help but see a parallel between this story and bigotry which has always plagued the world and probably always will. A truly thoughtful Sci-fi epic that all fans should see. 7/10

4. I can't say there are many part 7's I've seen that I thought all that highly of. The 7th Friday The 13 is really the only one that comes to mind. Puppetmaster 7 was most likely stupid. However, the Child's play/Chucky series only seems to be getting better with age. Not exactly a prediction I would have made as a kid after renting Child's Play 3. After a new low with Seed Of Chucky, the series was firmly put back on track with "Curse". I actually would have bet on that one being the final installment, but here we are. And here Nica is. In an insane asylum, accused of killing her family. Due of Chucky's actions, Nica has been heavily medicated, put through electro-shock therapy and pretty much had her life ruined. Maybe she is crazy, though. She's still seeing Chucky even in the nut house. In fact, Nica is now seeing multiple Chuckys. and then there's this sub plot involving Andy from the first three movies. He has Chucky's living head which he likes to torture with fire, sometimes. A seemingly unrelated series of events, though awesome, nonetheless. To complicate things further, we got Tiffany hanging around who is still occupying the body of conveniently similar-looking actress, Jennifer Tilly. Yeah. Something is definitely not right, here.

Kind of a mind fuck, huh? I still don't think I got everything down 100%, but hey. That's OK with me. I really enjoyed this one. In fact, I would go so far as to say this is the best installment since part 2. The confusion caused by this unusual storyline seems fitting, only because the main character, Nica, isn't even sure about her own sanity, much less the meaning behind the madness. Respect to Don Mancini for thinking outside the box with this one and giving a Child's play fan everything they could ask for. If Cult Of Chucky ends up being the final installment, I couldn't think of a better send-off. 7/10

5. Now, for a drastic change of tone with an animated film from the 80's I recently discovered. This one is a real downer. Seriously; like Watership Down times ten. Message heard loud and clear as this is a very anti-war little movie with comic-book style animation that may be a little misleading, considering the subject matter. Here we have a long-retired, British couple who have probably been married most of their lives and know each other inside and out. We oversee them discussing a possible war between England and Russia. The government has provided them with pamphlets which explain what to do if the worst happens. Pamphlets which the old folks put all their faith in, as they do also with the government, of course. As they build their little shelter, the bomb drops, and they do survive. However, more damage has been done than their minds could comprehend. As far as we know, Jim and Hilda Bloggs could be the only survivors within hundreds of miles. As they wait in boredom for help to arrive, the old couple offer their long outdated opinions of what war is like. This, of course, was a nuclear war. As the poison in the air slowly takes effect, we watch Jim and Hilda ignorantly cling to hope, never considering the inevitable worst case scenario.

As the viewer, you want them to somehow survive, but are never given a reason to get remotely optimistic. Some pretty dark stuff, watching this old couple, who have spent a lifetime together, have their final conversations, reminiscing, comforting each other in vain, with no knowledge that their own children and grandchildren probably no longer exist. Existing as long as the poison allows them. Yeah. sometimes, other genres are more horrible than Horror, itself . 7/10

6. I'm not even sure why I'm putting this one on here. I guess some movies are so weird and random that something just needs to be said. So, I'm going to go ahead and say a few words about 1973's The Baby. This Horror-Thriller is about a family who's having to deal with an overly involved social worker who keeps popping in to oversee the infant son. The Wadsworth family consists of the mother, two grown daughters and their brother, "Baby", who is actually 21 years of age, but has the mind of an 8 month old. For some reason, the other members of the family aim to keep it that way and are cunty to Baby if he tries to know stuff. The social worker, Ann, has taken a special interest in Baby, taking every opportunity she can to prove that he is capable of not being a total retard, thus proving the fact that he has indeed been forced to remain this way, which is probably illegal. I honestly can't say I ever thought about it until I saw this movie. Anyway, Ann is getting on everyone's last nerve but is still determined to get to the bottom of this weirdness whatever it takes. Although it almost feels like she's a little too wrapped up in this not to have an ulterior motive.

To be honest, I'm not particularly fond of babies, so, to see a grown man portraying one so accurately is a little unsettling. This guy actually cries like an actual infant, which I guess speaks volumes for his acting abilities, but makes me want to kick him. Although everythng he does, makes me want to kick him, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's really nothing wrong with this odd movie either, as it's all pretty intriguing and played straight which somehow makes this story seem all the weirder. The ending was pretty unexpected and left me with mixed feelings. Yeah, that's pretty messed up. 6/10

7. Recently, I bought a movie on dvd called Dreaming Purple Neon. It's not every day I get hold of some Todd Sheets that I haven't seen already. Although I know there's at least a dozen of his older ones that is damn near impossible to locate. And if something does pop up, it's probably a vhs for 200 bucks on Amazon. But yeah, this was pretty exciting. Not because I was expecting some good 'ol familiar Sheets, but mainly to see how this guy has improved his craft after all these years. The most recent one of Todd's movies I've seen was Zombie Bloodbath 3, so, I really had no idea what to expect. Possibly something unrecongizable to what I know a Sheets film to be. And while this new one is leaps and bounds above anything I've seen out of this guy, no. Dreaming Purple Neon actually wasn't completely unrecognizable, which I was happy to see. However, this film I'm about to describe proves one thing: Hard work does get you somewhere in life. Quite a difference, indeed. No more camcorder, no more improvising. This is Todd Sheets evolved!

Leave it to Todd Sheets to make drugs cool again. That's what this film is about: A drug called Neon Purple. Like I said. Not completely unrecognizable as the crime stuff is immediately present with a couple of bad guys, looking for a girl named Cat who stole their stash. Meanwhile, Cat's friend has just reunited with her ex who recently returned to town. The main character is Dallas. He's been gone a long time. Long enough to notice a change in the locals. Both storylines merge within an office building which has a basement that is occupied by a Satanic cult. They are the ones responsible for what's going on in this town. Using this Neon Purple drug, the evil Cyrus is attempting to open the gates of Hell. You'll know when that happens. Soon, things drastically switch gears as an hour-long gore-fest begins. Good Lord, the gore! I'm talking Brian Paulin caliber, here! This is just an all around fantastic-looking B-movie done the old school way. Not only do we have some totally decent acting, but get this ... character development! Yes, you heard me! Todd Sheets went all out for this one. A bit long for my taste, but sometimes, there's just too much gore to fit in a 70 minute movie. 7/10

8. You know what? I don't believe I've ever written about a Giallo. That needs to change and it needs to change, right now. This year, I finally watched what is now by far my favorite of the genre. 1972's Your Vice Is A Locked Room And Only I Have The Key. One of the longest titles you'll find in any genre, and in my opinion, one of the damn finest Giallos I've seen. Like most of these, "Vice" is a Crime-Thriller with a hint of Mystery. In this film we have a writer named Oliviero who is knee deep in writer's block, and a miserable bastard because of it. Or maybe he is, anyway. This drunken prick throws shin digs for local hippies where he usually finds ways to humiliate the wife. Of course, when there are no guests around, Irina gets far worse. There have been some murders, recently, and despite providing a false alibi for her husband, Irina suspects he may be the killer. She knows exactly how sadistic he can be, so, when he looks at her, the hatred in his eyes is now even more worrying. Things get even more complicated when Oliviero's prostitute niece comes for a visit. They don't seem to like each other, but this doesn't stop them from getting it on. It's not yet clear what Floriana's agenda is, but it's clear she has one. There's mind games coming from everywhere, people are still getting killed, and Irina is about to lose her patients with Oliviero's asshole cat!

I'll be honest. I've only enjoyed about 1/3 of the Giallos I've seen. There seem to be two different types. By that, I mean the ones that take place in a secluded mansion, like this one, as opposed to those that are set in the city. There's something really peaceful and calming about Giallos with a more isolated setting. The haunting score makes this even more true. Your Vice Is A Locked Room And Only I Have The Key is a classy/sleazy take on Edgar Allen Poe's The Black Cat, full of sex and gory slayings. A story which sees no need to rush, "Vice" can be as slow as it needs to be, because it's just that intriguing. 9/10

9. Earlier this year, I watched a sweet caveman epic from Hammer Films called One Million Years B.C. and I can honestly say with a straight face that I really like these types of movies. That 80's one with Shelly Long, I can do without, but movies like this are nice for when you're in the mood for something that doesn't require a lot of attention, yet somehow manages to not be boring, despite there not being any real dialogue. Although writing about a movie that is devoid of conversation isn't the easiest thing in the world. However, I dig this enough that it really should be included. Raquel Welch stars in this Adventure Fantasy about a caveman who gets pissed at his father and brother and breaks away from the tribe. This guy kind of looks like Jesus if Jesus looked more like Tommy Chong. Now on his own, Tumak barely manages to avoid getting himself killed by giant Iguanas, Turtles and Tarantulas. Tumak comes across another tribe and is invited to stay (I think). Soon he meets a nice, young lady who fancies him. This doesn't sit well with some dick who quickly makes it clear that he doesn't want Tumak around. Despite introducing a little bravery into the fold, Tumak is eventually asked to get lost (I think), but his new lady friend follows him. Together, they now must find the courage to explore this harsh, untouched world.

Well, this was certainly the most interesting thing from Hammer I've come across. Not to imply that's saying a whole lot. Then again, we don't usually get to stare at Raquel Welch throughout the entire duration. Anyone seen what she looks like nowadays? Looks like somebody made a pact with the Devil, or something. I don't know. That ain't normal. But yeah. Wonderful caveman epic. Wonderful especially when compared to shit like Quest For Fire. Most of the time, no dialogue just doesn't work. Though occasionally, all can fall into place, given the right performances and direction. One word of any actual language was never uttered in this movie, yet it really wasn't necessary. 7/10

10. And lastly, my favorite first time viewing of the year. Like most of these, I did not expect to like this one as much as I did. Throwbacks are fine. Sometimes, they're more than fine, but never anything groundbreaking or remarkable, right? Well, not too long ago, I watched an absolutely gorgeous movie from 2016 that left me more impressed than anything I've seen all year. Blood Of The Tribades is an obvious throwback. A homage to Jean Rollin, Jess Franco, and with a dash of Hammer. This film takes place in the year 2000 A.B. which implies that it either takes place in the future or in another universe. I'm going with choice B, which would make this Fantasy-Horror. In the village of Bathor, there lives many Lesbian Vampire women who have lived so long, most of them can't even remember who they are or where they originally came from. These Vampires are being hunted down and killed by a cult of men who are covered in what looks to be meth sores. For some reason, they're blaming on these women, even though they have no reason to. Led by the Hitler-like Grando, these dim-witted meth heads are motivated by superstition and Religious fears. Long-forgotten lovers, Élisabeth and Fantine, desperately try to remember their past so they can save this ancient society before their Vampire god returns and casts judgment.

I'm picking up some serious anti-Christianity vibes, here. Maybe even some feminist overtones along with it. Such a beautiful film, though. Anyone familiar with these types from the 70's really needs to track this one down. The Fantasy element was also a welcomed addition. A quality some of those older ones might have benefited from. There were also an unusual amount of naked dicks in this movie. Another unexpected quality. Plenty of titties, blood, red smoke, as well. Beautiful score, beautiful visuals. So very surreal. As dark and beautiful as a January morning at 4 AM. With only a 20 thousand dollar budget, Blood Of The Tribades sets out to capture a vibe and resurrect a genre thought to be long dead. Never has a throwback succeeded so gracefully. 8/10

And that was my 2017. At least a small portion of the highlights. And I don't mind admitting, that was fucking challenging! A whole lot of stuff in there I normally wouldn't attempt to write about. And there were some movies that I would have rather written about, but already have, like The Room, and a lovely little unknown sov called Trashcans Of Terror. I also saw a good one called Dante's Inferno that I would have loved to tell you about, and if I ever get good enough at this to write something presentable on a movie made in 1911, I'll get back to you. Perhaps next year I can explore more of what was actually released in 2017, as well as other tasty gems from decade's past that got past me. As of now, I'm done writing for the year. See you in 2018!